Ezweni eliyinkimbinkimbi lobuhlobo obuseduze, ngokuvamile kunzima ukubona ukuthi iyiphi ibhalansi efanele yokwenza inyunyana isebenze. Lapha sethula izici ezivamile ze- ubudlelwano bombhangqwana obunempilo.
Umqondisi u-Richard Linklater umele ku-trilogy yakhe yamafilimu aqala ngokuthi Ngaphambi Kokusa (1995) isifinyezo esihle somzila wombhangqwana, kusukela ekukhohlisaneni kobusha, ngokusebenzisa izingxabano nokudumazeka, kuya ekuzinzeni okuthobekile.
Buyini ngempela ubuhlobo obunempilo?
Uma kuziwa emibhangqwaneni enempilo, amakhanda ethu ngokuvamile agcwaliswa ngezithombe ezinhle kakhulu ze-clichéd esingazihlanganisa, kusukela ekukhempini kwe-torchlight ogwini lolwandle, ukubamba izandla ku-Instagram, kuya emasongweni esiliva e-calligraphic. Kodwa konke lokhu akuhlangene nalokho okunempilo, kodwa nalokho okulungile. Okuhle kokuphelela kwezothando okungekho muntu ongakufinyelela ngokugcwele.
Umqondo we uphilile kuyinto ehluke kakhulu. Okunempilo kuqukethe ibhalansi esebenza kanzima njenge-duo, eqhekekile ngezikhathi ezithile futhi ilungiswe ngokucophelela yilabo abahilelekile. Akulona uhlelo olucwebezelayo olungafinyelelwa ngemikhuba ethile yokuyekethisa.
Kungumyalelo wokusebenza, ohlale ungaphelele futhi uluhlaza ezindaweni ezithile, ulungele kokubili ukukhula nokuwohloka kuye ngabanakekeli bawo, abazobe bengaphelele futhi beluhlaza kwezinye izindawo, begcwele imibono eyingozi.
Kodwa umbono onezinhloso ezinhle ungaba kanjani yingozi, imibhangqwana emisha egcwele uthando izobuza. Hhayi-ke, ngenxa yokuthi kungenxa yokubona kahle kozakwethu njengokungangcolisiwe nokunqunyelwa kusengaphambili lapho izimpawu ezicacile zobuthi obuthintayo azinakwa. Ukuthatheka kokuqala kubangela isimo senhlalakahle engagxeki esingaba yingozi ebudlelwaneni obuthile.
Ukuxhamazela kwethonya lokuqala elivusa inkanuko ekugcineni kugugile futhi kuthathelwe indawo isimiso esinzima sokuhlala ndawonye. Kulesi simo esisha, kokubili ukuhlukunyezwa okusobala, okuhlanganiswe nomdlandla, nokukhathala kungenzeka. Zombili lezi zinto kufanele kubhekwane nazo ngokushesha, kungaba ngokunqamula ubuhlobo ukuze kuqalwe obunempilo noma ngokulwela ukulondoloza inkanuko ngendlela ezinzile futhi ehlala njalo.
Izici zobudlelwano obunempilo
Ubudlelwano besikhathi eside bungaba isipiliyoni esicebisayo, kodwa akubona ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuhamba ezweni. Ukungqubuzana okuqhubekayo phakathi kwezinhlamvu ezimbili, phakathi kwendawo yonke yabantu ababili, kufuna ngokwemvelo futhi kudinga uchungechunge lwezivumelwano ezicacile nezicacile ukuze kusebenze. Sizohlola izici zobudlelwano obunempilo, kusukela kokuyisisekelo.
Hlonipha
Okuyisisekelo kakhulu kuhlanganisa, yiqiniso, ukuhloniphana. Ilungu ngalinye lombhangqwana kufanele liphathe elinye ngokulingana, njengomuntu ofanelwe ukuphathwa ngokunganaki, ecabangela ukukhathazeka nemibono yawo ngokucophelela, ngaphandle kokubeka imigomo yawo siqu, egwema noma yikuphi ukubonisana kwangaphakathi.
Akunakwenzeka ukuthanda ngaphandle kwenhlonipho, yingakho lesi sigaba esibalulekile sokuhlola ukuthi kukhona ngempela ukuxhumana okujulile ngokomzwelo phakathi kobudlelwane. Kuphela ngenhlonipho lapho ukuzethemba okuhlala njalo kungakhiwa, okukhiqiza isiqiniseko nokusekelwa okufudumele, kanye nokuqonda okujulile phakathi kwakho kokubili.
Lesi sici sisodwa sisusa noma yimaphi amathuba okuvumelana lapho ubhekene nokuphathwa kabi isikhathi eside noma ukuhlukumeza. Uma kungekho inhlonipho encane, ubuhlobo abusebenzi nje kuphela, kodwa abufaneleki ukubizwa kanjalo.
Ukuthembeka
Esinye isici esibalulekile sobuhlobo obuhle ukwethembeka. Awukwazi ukuhlala ndawonye nomuntu ohlale ekhohlisa iqiniso. Izimfihlo ezinobuthi bokwethembana nezifihla-buso ezibekwa ebusweni zithiya ulwazi olufanayo futhi zivimbe ubuhlobo obudingekayo ukuze kuqhutshekwe.
Amanga abhidliza isakhiwo sobudlelwane, esakhelwe phezu kwesisekelo sobuphambili bomlingiswa nokuzibophezela kwangempela, okudala umuzwa wokungaqiniseki nokululazeka okulenga njengesithunzi phezu kwabashadile. NgokweBhayibheli, iqiniso liyokwenza ukhululeke, ujabule futhi waneliseke.
Ukuqiniseka
Ukwethembana kutholakala ekuthembekeni nasekuhlonipheni. Umuzwa wokukwazi ukubala entandweni yomunye ngezikhathi zokugubha noma ukucindezeleka kubalulekile ekusekeleni ubuhlobo. Ayikho into embi ukwedlula umuntu ohlala enyamalala noma enqena ukuhambisana nezimo ezahlukene ezingase zivele. Umuzwa wokungabi nakuzisiza ngokobudlelwane ulimaza kakhulu futhi udala izingxabano ezinkulu.
Ngokuphambene, ukunikeza uzakwethu ivoti lokuzethemba nakho kubalulekile ebudlelwaneni. Kungaba yingozi ngendlela efanayo ukuhlale ungathembi ukuzibophezela kozakwenu, ukwethembeka, noma ukunaka uma zingekho izizathu zangempela zokwenza kanjalo. Kungaba usizo ukuzihlola kahle ukuze uhlole ukuthi zikhona yini ngempela izimbangela zokukhathazeka kwethu, uphumule uma zingekho, futhi unikeze umuntu othintekile ivoti eliqotho lokuzethemba.
Ngokuphambene, uma kuyithina esithintekayo futhi simsulwa kunoma yikuphi ukusola, kuyadingeka ukuthi sisukume sifune ukwethenjwa ezenzweni zethu. Kuphela ngomjikelezo omuhle wokuthembana lapho kungasungulwa i-dynamic dynamic.
Isikhathi esabiwe
Zonke izimfanelo ezinhle zomhlaba ndawonye bezingeke zanele ukube besingekho isikhathi nendawo yokwabelana. Ukuxhumana kombhangqwana omuhle kufinyelelwa kuphela ngokuthintana njalo nangokuzinikela, ngokushintshisana ngezithakazelo, ukuphawula, okuhlangenwe nakho nemibono, ngokujabulela ukuzijabulisa enkampanini.
Isibonakaliso sokuqala esikhulu sokutubeka kwabashadikazi ukungazimiseli ukuthola isikhathi samahhala sokuba ndawonye. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umsebenzi noma iphrojekthi yomuntu siqu ingaba mnandi kangakanani, izikhala zokuhlangana kwezothando kufanele zihlale zitholakala.
Uma umbhangqwana uzizwa ujabule ngempela ngokuba ndawonye, uzophishekela lezi zikhala ngisho nasezimweni ezingenakwenzeka. Qaphela ukuthi lo mqondo wokwabelana ubhekisela esikhathini esibalulekile enkampanini, hhayi inkampani egcinwa ngaso sonke isikhathi, ngazo zonke izindleko. Ukuhwebelana okuphoqelekile, ngaphandle kwamakhefu, kungenza okuningi ukuqeda ubuhlobo kunebanga elihlakaniphile.
Nakuba kuleli qophelo kuzwakala njengendawo evamile esolekayo, ukuxhumana kuseyisici esibaluleke kakhulu uma kuziwa ekwakhiweni nasekugcineni ubudlelwano obuzinzile.
Ukuxhumana
Ukuthi umbhangqwana unenkululeko kanye nekhono lokuzwakalisa lokho abanomuzwa wokuthi kubaluleke kakhulu ku-dynamics yabo yangaphakathi. Ukuthula isikhathi eside, okwenziwa ngale ndlela ngethemba elinyanyekayo lokuthi omunye uzokubona ukungakhululeki kwakhe, angenzi lutho ukuxazulula izinkinga eziqhamukayo.
Izingxoxo eziguqulwe zaba ama-monologue ngomunye wamalungu angenangqondo ngokwedlulele futhi azicabangeli futhi azisizi nganoma iyiphi indlela ukuphuma ezingxabanweni. Ukuxhumana kufanele kuqonde ngqo, kucace futhi kube nothando, kuyilapho kuphakamisa izixazululo noma okungenani kuvulekele ukuzifuna.
Kubalulekile ukuthi ngamunye azizwe ezwiwa omunye, ngaphandle kokuphazamiseka okucasuliwe noma ukukhuluma kabili. Akukhiqizi ukungena emjikelezweni wokuthuka, ukugcona noma ukuphawula okukhishelwa ukulimaza kuphela. Ukushintshana kufanele kube okwangempela futhi kuhlonipheke, ngaphandle kokukhohlwa uthando olukhona phakathi kobudlelwane.
ukwehluka kwemibono
Sihlale sicabanga ubudlelwano bombhangqwana obunempilo njengamaqembu aphelele ezinhlanga, ezobuhle, ezombangazwe nanoma yiziphi ezinye izici, njengokungathi uzakwethu okhethiwe uyisandiso sobunikazi bethu noma esikuthandayo.
Iqiniso liwukuthi ubudlelwano obuzinzile abukhiwe kuphela ngezivumelwano, kodwa ngokungezwani okulawulwa kahle. Naphezu kwamandla okungqubuzana okuba khona ekungavumelani ngakunye, lokhu kungalingani kunikeza amandla nomoya-mpilo kumbhangqwana.
Abantu ababili abajikijelana ngemibono efanayo, bese benqekuzisa amakhanda, bangagcina sebengamanzi amile, isimo lapho ubudlelwano bugcina buphazamise ukukhula kwabo njengabantu ngabanye.
Ukwazi ukuhlukahluka kwemibono maqondana nombhangqwana kuwuphawu oluhle lwezinga lolwazi olufinyelelwe. Ukungavumelani kuyinselelo abantu abakhula ngayo, bathuthukise izimpikiswano zabo noma bacabangele eminye imibono.
Ukukufingqa ngesithombe, ukuthinta kusenza sibe bukhali, hhayi ukuphulula. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, umbono ohlukile womuntu esihlala naye usiphoqa ukuba sixoxisane ngokwezokuxhumana futhi ekugcineni sivume ukugcina ukuthula, amakhono adingekayo kuwo wonke umuntu emphakathini.
Ukwamukela
Ngemva kokubhekana nenkinga yezinzuzo zokungavumelani, kufanele sifinyelele esincomweni esicacile sale nqubo: ukwamukelwa. Nakuba bonke abantu abakubhangqwana kufanele bakhathazeke ngokuba inguqulo yabo engcono kakhulu yothando lwabo, kunomkhawulo wenguquko umlingani okufanele awukhumbule.
Ukwamukela kungaqondwa njengesigaba esiphezulu senhlonipho eyisisekelo yelungu elilodwa lombhangqwana ngaphezu kwelinye. Kumayelana nokuqonda ngokugcwele nokujabulela imvelo yakho engalungiseki.
Akuwenzi umqondo ongako ukuhlangana nobuwena obubodwa bese ufuna obuhluke ngokuphelele. Kukhona uphahla loshintsho futhi umqondo wokunqoba akudingeki ube yi-metamorphosis. Eqinisweni, lesi sifiso esinamandla sokuthi ilungu elilodwa lombhangqwana kungase kudingeke liguqule ngokuphawulekayo elinye linemvelaphi yalo enkingeni yomuntu siqu yengqondo okufanele ixazululwe.
Kwesinye isikhathi, umuntu uzofuna kumlingani wakhe ukuthi abe sobala futhi azimisele ukudansa, ukudlala noma ukuzijabulisa komculo ngokujwayelekile. Kungenzeka ukuthi lesi sidingo sivela ezinkingeni zokucindezela umuntu ngokwakhe abelokhu ehudula kusukela ebuntwaneni obunemingcele, ukuqina komzali noma ukweqisa kwezenkolo.
Kodwa-ke kuba umbhangqwana othola isidingo sokuba impilo yephathi, indima engahambelani nobuntu babo obunamahloni, ukuze nje umuntu akwazi ukunxephezela ukukhungatheka okwakhelwe ngaphakathi kusukela esikhathini esidlule.
Lesi sibonelo sisisiza sibone ukuthi kungaba okungalungile kangakanani ukufuna ushintsho oludlulele esingaluveza kulokho esikuthandayo nokuthi kungakanani ukungajabuli okungadingekile okungakhululwa kulesi simo sengqondo. Kungaba okushibhile kakhulu ngokomzwelo nangokwengqondo ngokwengeziwe ukwamukela imvelo yalabo abasithandayo, ukufuna indlela yokuphelelisana enhle esikhundleni sokubeka okungenangqondo.
Ukunakekela
Kule nto yokugcina, ngendlela ethile, zonke izici ezishiwo ngenhla ze ubudlelwano bombhangqwana obunempilo. Ukunakekelwa kobudlelwane ngokusobala kuyisici esihlanganisa zonke izici ezibamba iqhaza ekusindeni kwenyunyana.
Singasho ukuthi umbhangqwana wakha uhlobo lomzimba ovamile futhi, njenganoma yimuphi umzimba, udinga ukuhlolwa njalo ukuze kuqinisekiswe impilo yawo. Ezinye izimpawu zokugula zingabonakala lapho kuhlolwa: ukungabi nandaba okuthile okusakazeka emaphethelweni akhe, izinga elithile lokungondleki ngenxa yokuntula uthando, isikhumba esishintshile ngenxa yokwesaba ukukhashelwa, phakathi kwezinye izibonelo eziningi ezingaba khona.
Ezwa uthando oluthile, womabili amalungu azonakekela ukuphulukiswa futhi asindise umzimba wawo ofanayo, umzimba wobudlelwano abushaye indiva kancane.
Indlela yokulondoloza? Ukwenza nokukhuluma ngokwethembeka, ukuxhumana ngokukhululekile nempumelelo, ubuhlakani kanye nesivinini, ukwakha kabusha ukwethembana ngezivumelwano zokuziphatha ezintsha nokwamukela kahle ukwehlukana nombono womuntu siqu, ngaphandle kokugunyazwa okunengqondo. Konke ngenhlonipho ephezulu.
Ukuze siqedele, sikumema ukuthi ubuke ividiyo elandelayo, lapho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uLucy Serrano sichaza ngendlela ejabulisayo ukuthi ubuhlobo obunempilo buhlanganisani. Umlingiswa oyingozi wokuqagela, imibandela yokulingana, inhlonipho, ukukhula komuntu ngamunye, ukuzinza kwemizwelo kanye nobuciko bokukhulula kufinyezwa kahle.
Kuze kube manje lokhu kubuyekezwa kwezici ezibaluleke kakhulu nezivamile ze- ubudlelwano bombhangqwana obunempilo. Uma lesi sihloko sibe nentshisekelo kuwe, cishe uzofuna ukufunda lesi esinye kuwebhusayithi yethu njengesihlokwana, esizinikele ekuhlonzeni. izimpawu zomlingani ogugile. Lokhu kuzokusiza ukuthi ubone uma sekuyisikhathi sokufuna usizo noma ezinye izindlela zokuphuma engxabanweni yobudlelwano. Landela isixhumanisi!