Unequal yoke in courtship: Why avoid it?

Unequal courtship yoke: for the believer God gives a very precise instruction before establishing a conjugal relationship or marriage union. Sometimes this mandate becomes a dilemma for believers, but the best option will always be to obey the Lord.

Unequal courtship yoke

In the Christian faith in particular in those who, in addition to being believers, have experienced a metanoia in their lives to be born again, as Jesus teaches in John 3:1-13. For these believers, it is not enough for them to have a romantic relationship with a couple who congregate in their church, but for this relationship to be consolidated, they will need both to have the same level of intimacy and commitment to God.

This is the key to understanding the meaning of the words of the apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 5:9-11, as a complement to his analogy about the bonds between people and the yoke of farming, described as an unequal yoke in 2 Corinthians 6: 14-15. Let's look at both biblical texts below:

1 Corinthians 5: 9-11:9 I have written to you by letter, that you do not consort with fornicators; 10 not absolutely with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or with the thieves, or with the idolaters; for in that case it would be necessary for you to leave the world. 11 Rather I wrote to you not to associate with anyone who, calling himself brother, whether he is a fornicator, or a covetous, or an idolater, or a slanderer, or a drunkard, or a thief; with such you do not even eat.

2 Corinthians 6: 14-15: 14 Do not join in unequally yoked with unbelievers; for what fellowship has justice with injustice? And what communion has light with darkness? 15 And what concord does Christ have with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?

Reading both passages of scripture we can see that unequally yoking can occur even between Christian courtships. And not only between marital unions, but also between other personal ties, as we will see later.

So courtship in Christianity has to be between faithful believers born again in spirit, who have intimately known God, who love him and seek him with all their hearts.

What is meant by unequally yoked?

The apostle Paul with the expression of unequal yoke refers to an analogy between a farming technique with the union or link between two people. A yoke is a wooden tool that is placed on the heads of a pair of oxen, mules, or donkeys, to bind them together and together drive a plow.

But, in order for this rig to properly perform the job or action together, both animals must be similar or the same. That is to say, first of all, to be of the same species, to possess the same strength and the same size; Only in this way can a good plow be obtained, a good sowing and therefore good fruits.

Having said this, the expression of the apostle Paul of an unequal yoke can be understood, in short: what unites two people cannot be unequal, nor can both think differently. Because, if not, each one will try to go their own way, without ultimately achieving the goal for which they joined.

This unequal yoke can end in rupture, conflicts, disagreements or even that one leans towards the other's ideas. Running the risk that the believer departs from faith and therefore from God.

Unequally Yoked Courtship and Obedience to Scripture

On certain occasions there are cases of young Christians who turn to their pastors, with the concern that they cannot marry their non-believing boyfriend or girlfriend. Faced with this concern, they defend their courtship relationship, alluding to the fact that they belong to a family with moral principles, good customs and that respect the relationship.

But before all these arguments it is always preferable to be obedient to the scriptures. God leaves us the Bible as an instruction manual and as an authority to lead us in life in any situation or concern.

In the case of courtship, the ideal partner for a young convert, God commands to relate to an equal to establish a future conjugal union, as written in 2 Corinthians 6:14. And without a doubt it is the best option, because in a young convert or convert, the love of God dwells in her heart.

Therefore, beyond uniting the marriage relationship through eros love and filio love, the union with agape love, which is the love of God, will be blessed. The couple will see each other not only through their own eyes, but through those of their creator and the one who loves them to the point of having given his life for them, Jesus Christ.

Justifications given by young people in an unequal courtship yoke

Despite what has been said above, there are cases of young Christians who maintain a courtship with an unconverted man or woman, and they know that the scriptures do not contemplate this type of infatuation because it is an unequal yoke. In these cases there are many excuses or justifications why these young people have children of disobedience as a girlfriend or boyfriend, some of them being the following human reasoning:

I can make you believe

In this justification, the young people say that through the relationship they have the opportunity to evangelize their partner and lead her to the feet of Christ. And not bad, because that is the great commission of a Christian to present Christ and his message of salvation.

However, the truth is that they have this courtship because they are in love and want to make believe with this that it is the will of God and not that of their own reasoning. What leads to endanger the faith of the believer.

A serious consequence that this unequal courtship yoke can bring is that the believer cools down and is attracted back to the world. The Christian must become aware of what a wrong choice represents or outside of the word of God in his life.

They cite similar cases in the church

Some of the Christian singles give courtship as an excuse for their situation of unequal yoke: -In the church there have been marriages that began with such a courtship, and the couple who belonged to the world converted to Christ-. For these boyfriends and girlfriends, the most sensible answer is that no one should base their own experiences on those of others, above what God establishes in his word.

Actually there are many believers who have begun to date and fall in love with people who are in the world and at the same time are converted to the light of Christ. But in each case it is necessary to evaluate the level of conversion of that person.

Because, did he do it from the heart, or just out of love for the other? Was it a true conversion or a simple adherence out of carnal love? Many are the people who agree to sit in a church pew, but not because of what they are experiencing in their lives, but to please their believing partner.

The Christian must remember the tricks that the enemy uses to attack and tempt a child of God. The adversary will always try and do his best to present a son or daughter of disobedience to a single Christian, using the feelings of the flesh to deceive him, because this contradicts the will of God.

They allude that God is no respecter of persons.

How many excuses do we make use of or do we not hide behind to establish our own human reasoning? This is one of the main reasons believers get in love with unbelievers.

Well, it is true that God loves all his creation and he also designates the mission of evangelizing every person without distinction of any kind. The Christian is called to be a fisher of man (Luke 5: 10b), but it is Christ who transforms the fish into a sheep through the Holy Spirit who transforms him.

Romans 8: 28- 29: 28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, that is, to them that according to his purpose they are called. 29 For whom he knew before, he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, so that he may be the firstborn among many brothers.

Therefore, evangelizing and teaching Christ should not be confused with attachment or sentimental commitment to the soul won for his kingdom. First of all, the word of God must prevail and his mandate is:

-Do not associate closely with those who do not believe- (2 Corinthians 6: 14a)

I felt attraction and fell in love

Not everything that attracts us is good or established in justice, several examples of this and its consequences can be found in the Bible. Among these examples we can mention David, Solomon, Esau, among others and how terrible they had to live after a wrong decision to establish unequal yokes in their lives.

In many cases it is the very humanity of man that moves him to seek to nurture feelings with someone outside the people of God. In this way he is attracted to spend a lot of time with that worldly person, be it in class, in the office, etc.

However, if the Christian is well grounded in faith, he will understand that God will always want the best for him. In the same way he will have the wisdom and discernment of what is really at stake, his faith, his justification and salvation in Christ Jesus.

Anyone who has the revelation of the scriptures cannot doubt the power of God, and what he can do in his life. He enters here and knows with us the power of God that surpasses any understanding.

The types of relationships in young Christians

In what kind of relationship can young Christians put the aforementioned into play. Men can have different types of friendships as well as different levels of intimacy. Among these types of relationship, the following can be distinguished:

relationship with acquaintances y superficial friendships

Relationship with acquaintances, are the relationships typical of occasional contacts, where superficial and generic topics are usually shared. This type of relationship is very common between believers and non-believers in everyday life.

Superficial friendships is the type of friendship that does not transcend levels of intimacy. Friendship is based on common activities, such as work, community, studies, church, etc. In this and the previous relationship it is a good opportunity to evangelize taking the word to people who do not know Christ Jesus.

Filial or trust friendship

In this type of friendship, people can become more intimate, perhaps because they share common purposes or goals. What gives rise to establish a deeper friendship.

It is a relationship that can lead to attraction and later to courtship, it can occur between Christians or between believers and unbelievers. At this point it is very important to be vigilant not to disobey the word of God.

Intimate friendship or infatuation

It is the relationship that takes a step forward after the subsidiary, at this point the courtship between the two people is established. And it will be suitable if you share the same thoughts and beliefs.

Only then in the relationship will there be the freedom to correct and encourage each other, to establish the purpose in the couple of developing the character of Christ. Finally, the couple will consolidate until they join in marriage under conjugal equality.

But if this loving friendship takes place between an unequal yoke, problems will arise, because if the love of God cannot be shared, then it will be shared. How can you pray to God as a couple, on what faith will the marriage be based, on what faith will your children be educated, how can you encourage each other in difficult times if both do not share the same faith.

If you are a Christian bride this article is for you: Woman of God and the perfect plan that the Lord has for us. Because since creation the Lord has a perfect plan for women. Do you want to know what makes us be a woman of God? Find out here what this plan is and its characteristics.

Other unequal yokes

In verses 2 Corinthians 6:14–18, the apostle Paul makes reference to being unequal in relationships with unbelievers. This inequality not only has its consequences in conjugal relationships, it can also have them in business-level societies.

And while the apostle says that the Christian can relate to people of the world in 1 Corinthians 5: 9-10. He also gives the guidelines on what those relationships should look like in 1 Corinthians 10:25-33.

In this passage the apostle reveals a truth of great spiritual depth. He warns the Christian not to establish partnerships with people who engage in corruption, illegality, who are in darkness, who worship idols or who have an evil spirit operating in them.

In addition, God establishes an alert for his people in Deuteronomy 22:10. This alert is because both animals cannot pull with the same force or go with the same rhythm, nor will they act under the same nature.

2 Corinthians 6: 15 a: And what concord does Christ have with Belial?

To discern what God is saying in the first part of this verse, let's look at the etymological origin of the name Belial. This name comes from the compound Hebrew word: Bliya'al or bel-e-yah-al.

This Hebrew word is made up of two words:

-Bliy or bel-ee' whose meaning is corruption. This term can be found in Isaiah 38:17:

17 Behold, great bitterness came over me in peacebut it pleased you to free my life from the hole of corruption; because you cast all my sins behind your back.

-Ya`al or yaw-al' whose meaning is gain, benefit or profit. This term can be read in Isaiah 30:5, Job 21:15 and in:

Jeremiah 7:8: Behold, ye you trust in words of lies, who they do not take advantage.

That said, Belial is one of the devil spirits that operates after corrupt or ill-gotten gains. Some biblical critics call him the disobedient or the rebel.

Similarly, other scholars relate Belial to arrogance and pride. Because he makes the person disobey the honest precepts of God to go after independence, reasoning and / or human self-sufficiency, in order to achieve success and personal fulfillment.

Conclusion

Therefore, and what agreement does Christ have with Belial? The issue is not only the unequal yoke of courtship and marriage. The unequal yoke is also generated in any social relationship that is not symmetrical or between equals.

Because in a business partnership what unites two partners cannot be unequal, nor can both think differently. The following question could be established in a society or unequal yoke of business: Are the profits or fruits of the business being obtained in justice?

Reflect on this, if it is your case and even more I invite you to read about non-believers, in the article:  Atheism: What is it?, meaning, definition, and much more. Discover in him everything that exists behind disbelief.