Loneliness. Feeling alone is a human condition, it's a natural feeling that does not always have to be negative, but can be useful to us.
Christmas is one of those times of the year when one can feel lonely even when surrounded by family and friends. So much so that there are people who are restless on these dates, feel sad and want to cry or even want it to pass quickly and not have to put up with this loneliness.
What do we understand by loneliness and how can we recognize that we are feeling it?
The word loneliness currently makes us quickly think of something negative, something we want to avoid. This word has been given a negative value for so long that it has come to be stigmatized. What's more, there are people who know other people who don't bring them anything and who are even toxic to them just because they don't feel alone, and this is due to this constant obsession with associating loneliness with something negative. The truth is that loneliness is a natural condition of humanity and that very often it is not only not a problem but it is also necessary and very useful.
If it is true that when loneliness becomes a habitual “disconnected” state with other people it becomes a problem, a source of suffering because we feel cut off from society, excluded, ignored. This is the type of loneliness that should be avoided, and unfortunately, it exists more and more frequently. But the sporadic moments of solitude are good to be able to find ourselves.
When loneliness is not something voluntary, but an effect of a mental illness
Having said this, we must bear in mind that the loneliness that occurs due to a mental illness must be monitored and treated. In this case it usually occurs due to the difficulty of opening up to others or due to problems of Social phobia or confrontation with society. In these cases, the problem must be faced and an attempt must be made to surround the person with friends and people who are enriching and who provide well-being and peace of mind.
Why can we feel lonely even when we are surrounded by people?
Many times we can be in the midst of many people, even loved ones such as family and friends, and feel alone. At this time, we find ourselves in the midst of many people, but we have a feeling of dissatisfaction, we feel restless, want to cry or even think that what we are doing is boring and nothing brings us joy.
People who experience this feeling when with people they tend to feel ashamed for this feeling they are experiencing, or even feel guilty for being so. Sometimes they not only blame themselves, but also those around them, their partner or their friends or family. And that makes that feeling of misunderstanding, tiredness and boredom of life even more marked. That feeling of having to be participating in a situation they don't want to be in, of having to show an esteem that they can't feel at that moment and of pretending an emotional resonance.
symptoms of loneliness
One of the problems with loneliness is that it is a fish that bites its own tail, a vicious circle is created. The beginning is easy and it can happen to more than one of us. Among the most common symptoms we find:
- detachment;
- feeling of misunderstanding by others;
- thinking that we are different from the rest of the people, that we cannot mix with them because they are different;
- want to be away from the world, disconnect, withdraw from society in order to feel at peace, calm, good with ourselves.
Sometimes there are personality traits that can cause us to fall into this social isolation, for example, the shy people he has more numbers of wanting to isolate himself from society. Those who are introverted or who tend to have a rather sad character, look more often for those moments of solitude and social disconnection. People who find it more difficult to establish some kind of relationship with other people can find in solitude a way to take refuge and protect themselves from humanity. But that is a double-edged sword because at first it seems to be a refuge, but it ends up being the problem. This refuge makes them close in on themselves even more and worsens their mistrust of others. We could say that loneliness and social withdrawal reinforce each other as in a vicious circle.
How can you face dates as marked as Christmas or New Year's Eve when we are really alone?
If you feel lonely what you should do is look for other people. This seems like a no-brainer and very easy to do, but it's a big challenge when you're lonely. We all know that friendships are the basic point to not feel alone. When we have friends we are nourished and enriched throughout our lives by their experiences. We do not live our only life, but we share several lives and that makes us evolve and enrich ourselves. That is why it is so important to cultivate friendships, whether they are those from many years ago or the most recent ones. People need to get out of our comfort zone and undermine fears of rejection or other aspects of life.
But if these dates arrive and we don't have friends nearby, we can always choose to plan a trip, discover other places, go visit someone we haven't seen for a long time... Or if we really don't have anyone, we should organize the week in a different way. that there are no empty spaces between day and day apart from those that we use to sleep. That is, fill every hour of the day to do things. An example would be choosing these dates to make changes to the home.
How can we make other people who feel lonely during these dates feel better?
If we are not the ones who feel alone but someone we know, the first thing we have to be clear about is that it is a habitual feeling that everyone will experience at some point in their lives. We must keep in mind that in solitude there is a need to "be in the thoughts of another person", that is, it is not about oneself but about "another keeping you present". This is a way of confirming one's own existence. That is why it is very important that in cases in which we detect that there is someone who feels lonely, we have to be present for them, talk to them, send them messages, call them, ask them how they are, show interest in them and their well-being.
Get them involved with us
One of the things we can do on these dates is make them participants of meals or celebration dinners. Involve them in appetizers, lunches or dinners with family or friends. This is the first step for them to know that we have thought of them, that they are present and that they exist and are important to other people.
In cases in which loneliness is accompanied by psychological problems or social withdrawal The help of a professional would be convenient so that it can serve as a guide in the motivation of a healthy solitude, which belongs to people who do not try to hide their way of being or feeling and who tend to live in constant internal contradictions. With the help of a professional, social taboos can be overcome and these people can focus on what fills them up and appeals to them, making the need to share their experiences with other people grow again.
It is also very important to use two keywords in life: thanks and no. Knowing how to use these two words is essential to be able to value more the time one spends with oneself and with others. It is a way of becoming aware of oneself and of the capacity we have to learn from relational mechanisms, to establish relationships with others.
Be there
Many times people who feel lonely, especially on these dates, just need you to be there and they to be there (believe it or not). That you listen to them, that you take them into account to prepare the holidays or to celebrate together. That you thank them for being there that they can feel that their presence there is not only not a bother but a reason for happiness and joy. Sometimes it costs very little to make people happy, but it costs us a lot to show our feelings.
If we make a person who is lonely present at a celebration, but then do not speak to them or make them feel that we are happy that they are there, we are not only not helping them at that moment, but we are aggravating their need to isolating and not wanting to participate in anything that represents socializing with others.