isiphithiphithi sobudlelwane

Eminyakeni engu-500 edlule, i-La Celestina yayiwumdlalo oqinile owawuthi unelungelo lokushada ngothando nanoma ubani omfunayo ngesikhathi lapho imishado eminingi yayinezinye izinjongo. Ngendlela efanayo enkantolo yaseLouis XIV, amadoda kuphela asondelene kakhulu futhi athembeke kakhulu yinkosi ayevunyelwe ukugqoka izithende, futhi eminyakeni eyi-100 edlule umbala obomvana wawuchazwa njengombala wesilisa. Qala U-Alejandro Thompson, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo sezemfundo kanye ne-anarchist yobudlelwane, Oxoxwa naye namuhla.

Siyaguquka (noma siyahlehla), indlela yethu yokuhlobanisa izinguquko, lokho okuthiwa kubhekwa njengokujwayelekile kulungiswa ngokuqhubekayo, sifunda amamodeli amasha namafomethi. Konke lokhu kusiholela ekubeni sikhulume ngakho indoda eyodwa, ubudlelwano obuvulekile, i-polyamory kanye nesiphithiphithi sobudlelwano Ingabe i-DNA yethu iyasitshela ngempela ukuthi kufanele sihlobane kanjani? Ngabe ubudlelwano butholwa kanjani kusukela ekuxabaneni kobudlelwano? Ingabe sizalwa noma siba ngumfazi oyedwa?

Iyini iRelational Anarchy?

Isiyaluyalu sobudlelwane sakhela phezu kwemibono yepolitiki nenhlalo yokungalawuleki ukuphika ukubusa ngaphakathi kobudlelwano. Bayeka zonke izinhlobo zokulindelwe futhi benze sengathi abahlukanisi ubudlelwano ngezigaba; Abukho ubudlelwano bobungani noma bothando, bonke banokubaluleka okufanayo. Lokhu akusho ukungazinaki ukuzibophezela, njengoba u-Thompson echaza i-posteriori, kodwa ukulinganisa bonke ubudlelwano ngaphandle kokuqhathanisa noma ukuhlukanisa, futhi ucabange ukuthi akukho ngxenye efuna ukulimaza enye, ngakho-ke, asikho isizathu sokungathembani.

Ingxoxo mayelana nobudlelwano obungajwayelekile

Ngabe ucabanga ukuthi ukushada nomuntu oyedwa kungokwemvelo noma kuyingxenye yemvelo yethu?

Ukube sasiyizinkolelo zendabuko ngempela sabuyela ekuqaleni kwezinhlobo zezilwane, ngabe kunezazi eziningi ze-anthropologists eziveza ukuthi ayikho into engaphakathi kumuntu ekhomba ukuthi siyisilwane esisodwa. Ngingaqondisa ukunaka kwakho ezincwadini ezifana Ucansi Ekuseni ngo-Christopher Ryan kanye no-Cacilda Jethá, izazi ze-anthropologists ezimbili eziphikisana ngokuqondile ngokuthi ekuqaleni umuntu wayengumuntu wokuxhumana nabantu futhi engumuntu othanda u-polyamorous.

Engikucabangayo yilokho ikhono lethu lokuthanda liyinto yomuntu siqu, umuntu ngamunye kanye nobuwena. Kunabantu abangaba nobudlelwano bokuthandana nomuntu oyedwa kuphela ngoba umfutho abathanda ngawo ukwazi ukukunikela kumuntu oyedwa futhi kulungile.

Kodwa futhi ngibheka ukuthi kunabantu abaningi abasebudlelwaneni bomuntu oyedwa abangakazi enye indlela futhi bazizwa becindezelwe yibo. Ngikholwa ukuthi, njengokuthambekela kwezocansi kanye nobunikazi bobulili, uhlobo lomuntu ngamunye lobudlelwane lukhona ku-spectrum kusuka ekubeni ngumfazi oyedwa kuya esiphithiphithini sobudlelwane futhi kuyahlukahluka kuye ngokuthi umuntu ngamunye uzizwa kanjani futhi aluchaza kanjani uthando, ngokubona kwami. umbono akuyona inketho, kodwa akwenzeki ukuphoqa umuntu ukuba ezwe uthando ngendlela ethile.

Ucabanga ukuthi yini enqumayo ukuthi umuntu uthambekele ekubeni nomfazi oyedwa noma ezinye izinhlobo zobudlelwano obungajwayelekile?

Akekho ongaziphoqa ukuthi abe yi-polyamorous noma i-anarchist yobudlelwane ngokukholelwa, ngendlela efanayo akekho umuntu okufanele aphoqe umuntu ukuthi abe ngumfazi oyedwa njengoba manje sekwenziwa kusukela esikhathini esejwayelekile. Ukuhamba nge-polyamorous noma i-anarchist yobudlelwane akufani ne-vegan.

I-Polyamorous, i-anarchist yobudlelwane noma i-monogamous, udinga nje ukuthatha uhambo oluhle lokuzihlola ukuze ukuthole, lokho engikubiza ngokuhlekisa ngokuthi "i-origami yengqondo", njengokuthambekela kwezocansi kanye nobunikazi bobulili. Baningi abantu abane-polyamorous e-wardrobe abangakazi futhi abahluphekayo ebudlelwaneni babo. Okuwukuphela kwento engiyivikelayo ukuthi ubudlelwano abuyona ubuthi, kukhona ubuhlakani bemizwa nokuthi ukunakekelwa kuthathwa ngokuncika ngokubambisana. Lokhu kungenzeka nganoma iyiphi indlela yobudlelwano, akuhlukile kunoma yiluphi uhlobo lobudlelwano.

Uzokwazi kanjani ukuthi iyiphi imodeli yobudlelwano ekufanele kakhulu?

Ngikholelwa ukuthi kukhona abantu okuthi, ngemva kokwenza “i-origami yengqondo”, bafinyelele esiphethweni sokuthi bashadile, ukuthi bayakwazi ukuzwa imizwa ethile ngomfutho othile kuphela nomuntu oyedwa, futhi lokho kuphelele.

Kodwa futhi ngikholelwa ukuthi akhona amathonya angaphandle aguguleka kancane kancane futhi enza kungabonakali noma yiluphi uhlobo lobuhlobo okungeyona indoda eyodwa, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kusendaweni yakho yamasiko, ezenhlalakahle, ezombusazwe noma ezenkolo.

Buningi ubudlelwano obunomfazi oyedwa kunabantu abathandana nomuntu oyedwa futhi yingoba yindlela imiphakathi yethu ibheka ngayo lokho.. Njengakuyo yonke into, imithethonqubo iyinkohliso futhi iyijele kwabaningi. Ukuhlukana nombono wokuthi kunomthethonqubo kubaluleke kakhulu. Imibuzo eyisisekelo yefilosofi okufanele ibuzwe ukuze kutholakale uhlobo lomuntu siqu lobudlelwano "luyini uthando kimi?", "ingabe kunezinhlobo ezahlukene zothando?", "kuyini kimi ukuthanda?", njll. Futhi uma ufuna ukuhlola ukuthi lingakanani ithonya langaphandle empendulweni ngayinye, ngingabuza "Kungani ngicabanga kanje?". Ukugcina le nkhulumomphendvulwano ye-Socrates nawe kanye nokwethembeka ezimpendulweni, umuntu uthola ukuthi uzizwa kanjani nokuthi hlobo luni lobudlelwano umuntu akhomba ngaphezulu.

Kungenzeka yini ukuthi umuntu ozibheka njengomuntu oyedwa angaba nobudlelwane nomuntu ongashadile naye?

Yebo, kuzwakala. Njengabantu sithanda ukulinganisa futhi sivame ukucabanga ukuthi bobabili abantu abathandanayo kufanele balingane, uma kungenjalo sivame ukucabanga ukuthi kwenziwa ukungabi nabulungisa noma ukuthi kukhona osizakala ngothile.

Ukuze umuntu onomuzwa wokuthandana nomuntu oyedwa abe sebudlelwaneni nomuntu ongekho, kumele, azi ukuthi uzizwa kanjani ngothando, aqiniseke kakhulu ebudlelwaneni bakhe naye futhi azi ukuthi ukuqaphela kanjani ukuthi uthando umlingani wakhe azitshela lona. akakaze abuzwe, akuvumelekile ngoba umlingani wakho uthanda abanye abantu. Eqinisweni, ungase ujabule ngomlingani wakho lapho ekutshela ukuthi uhlangane nomuntu othakazelisayo noma okhethekile futhi akazizwa esongelwa.. Kuningi okukhulunywayo kulo mphakathi mayelana nomona, kodwa kuncane kakhulu okukhulunywa ngakho mayelana ne compersion* (ukungaqondi), okuwumuzwa wawo ophambene okusho ukuzizwa ujabule lapho umuntu omthandayo ezizwa ejabule omunye umuntu noma enza into enganakile kuwe.. Umuntu oyedwa angase angafuni, akwazi noma adinge ukuzwa uxhumano ezingeni elijulile kangaka nabantu abaningi, kodwa bangaqonda ukuthi umlingani wabo uyakwenza futhi lokho kubonakala kumnandi kakhulu kimi.

*ukulinganisa kuyisimo esinozwela senjabulo kanye nenjabulo etholakala lapho omunye umuntu ethola injabulo nenjabulo. Ngezinye izikhathi kungase kubonakale njengokuziqhenya abazali abanakho kulokho izingane zabo ezikuzuzile noma injabulo yomuntu siqu ezinzuzweni zabangane. Ngokuvamile kusetshenziselwa ukuchaza lapho umuntu ejabulela imizwa eyakhayo lapho isithandwa sakhe sijabulela obunye ubuhlobo. Kuphambene nomhawu [Wikipedia]

Buyini ubudlelwano obusekelwe kusiphithiphithi sobudlelwano kuwena?

Iziyaluyalu zobudlelwane zivame ukuhlukaniswa, ngokungalungile ngokombono wami, ngaphakathi kwe-polyamory. Kodwa kukhona isici esiyisisekelo esibahlukanisayo. Ku-polyamory unobudlelwano bothando obuningi, kodwa buyaqhubeka nokuhlukaniswa kubo bonke ubudlelwano obukhona empilweni yakho, ekuxabaneni kobudlelwane abukho.

Bonke ubudlelwano bunjalo ingxoxo phakathi kwabantu ababili eyakhiwe kusukela ngesikhathi sokubingelela othile. Ingxenye ebalulekile yayo yonke i-anarchism ukubuza lokho osekusungulwe futhi kwahlukaniswa ukuze kuhlaziywe futhi kuhlolwe. I-anarchist yobudlelwane ibona bonke ubudlelwano ngaphandle kwezigaba futhi ngaphandle kokuhleleka kokubaluleka. Lokhu akusho ukuthi ninobudlelwano obufanayo nomnikazi wendawo nobaba njengonomngane wakho omkhulu, kodwa kusho ukuthi bonke bakhiwe ngokusekelwe ezingxoxweni abake baba nazo. Izinga kanye nemvelo yokuzibophezela okusungulwe kulaba bantu kuhlukile futhi ubudlelwano nomngane wakho omkhulu bungathathwa bubaluleke kakhulu kuwena kunobasi wakho, kodwa nalokho kungahluka. inyanga.

Okubalulekile ukuthi ukhethe ukwabelana ngesikhathi nemisebenzi nabantu abahlukene kodwa, kimi, uma ufinyelela amazinga athile okusondelana, ukwethembana, njll. uqala ukungahlukanisi ukuthi yimuphi umuntu obaluleke kakhulu. ngoba zonke zibaluleke ngokulinganayo.

Ukungabikho kwezikhundla kuphawulwa ngokuthi uthando lufana nobungane. Nginombono wothando kakhulu wobungani ongenza ngicabange ukuthi kimi ubungane wuhlobo lothando olusezingeni eliphezulu lokuhlanzeka. Njengoba nje ama-Valencians ebiza u-paella ngokuthi u-Valenciana paella kanti okunye kuyilayisi elinezinto, ngizwa sengathi ubungane uthando kanti okunye uthando ngezinto.

Ezingeni lethiyori, i-RA izwakala iheha, kanye ne-polyamory, kodwa ingabe kukhona noma yiluphi uhlobo lweziqondiso ezingalandelwa ukuze ufunde ukuhola lolu hlobo lobudlelwane noma mhlawumbe into umuntu azalwa nayo? "Ingabe uzalwa noma wenziwa i-anarchist / polyamorous"?

I-Anarchist / polyamorous iyatholakala. Uzalwa ungazi ukuthi uzizwa kanjani, uzalwa ngaphandle kwamathuluzi okuzihlola. Ngethemba, ukuhlakanipha okungokomzwelo kanye nokucabanga okujulile kuthuthukiswa okuvumela umuntu ukuthi azihlole futhi anqume ukuthi ukhululekile kanjani futhi kungani ekhululekile ngendlela ethile noma enye, ingabe ithonya langaphandle, ingabe ukukhulisa noma ingaphakathi futhi elingenakunqotshwa. umuzwa ? Ukuzihlola nokuzitholela wena kubalulekile ukuze wazi ukuthi uzizwa kanjani futhi uzizwa kanjani, kuyindaba yokuthi ungubani.

Ukungazethembi kuhlobene kangakanani nesifiso sokuba nobuhlobo bomuntu oyedwa? Ingabe abantu abazethembayo bavame ukuba nobudlelwano obujwayelekile obuncane?

Abahlobene futhi cha. Sonke sinokungazethembi, kunabantu abazizwa besaba ukuba bodwa futhi bahlanganyele ebudlelwaneni emva kobudlelwane ukuze bagweme ukuba wedwa, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ubudlelwano be-liana bomfazi oyedwa noma i-polyamorous. Ukuze uzihlole kufanele ubuze izinto, ubuze izinto kufanele ungaqiniseki ngezimpendulo. Ukungavikeleki akukubi noma ukuvikeleka okuhle. Ungaqiniseka ngawe futhi ube i-narcissist engabekezeleleki, ungaba nokungazethembi, kodwa phila ukungavikeleki kwakho ngokwethembeka futhi akuhlangene nendlela ohlobana ngayo.

Esinye sezakhiwo ze-Relational Anarchy yilokho “Ubudlelwano obuqinile kufanele bube nengxoxo nokuxhumana njengesizinda sabo esimaphakathi, hhayi njengesimo esiphuthumayo esivela kuphela lapho “kunezinkinga.”. Akumele yini bonke ubudlelwano bube kanje? Kungani kunezinkinga eziningi kangaka zokukhulumisana phakathi kwabashadile abavamile?

Ingxoxo iyisisekelo sabo bonke ubudlelwano babantu, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi hlobo luni lwabo. Ingxoxo ingahlukaniswa ngezingxenye ezifana nezobuhlakani, ezithinta inhliziyo, ukusondelana noma ngokomzimba. Ucansi alulutho ngaphandle kwengxenye yomzimba nokusondelana kwengxoxo onayo nomuntu.

Izikhathi eziningi sigwema ukukhuluma ngemizwa ngenxa yokuthi ingamthinta kanjani omunye noma ngokwesaba ukuthi izoziphikisa ngoba asiqiniseki nokuthi sizizwa kanjani. Kwesinye isikhathi siyahlehlisa kuze kube yilapho sesithole okuthile okufushanisiwe sokuxhumana. Sonke siyathinteka emcabangweni wokuthi, uma singacacile ngokuthile, uma singanqunyelwe, akufanelekile ukuxhumana, kodwa ngicabanga ukuthi kubalulekile ukuvikela ukungabi nasinqumo kanye nokuphikisana njengento yomuntu bese uthi"Ngiyakuzwa lokhu angazi ukuthi kungani ngikuzwa noma kuhlangene nawe, kodwa ngiyaxolisa, mhlawumbe kusasa ngizozizwa okuphambene futhi angazi kungani, kodwa mhlawumbe esikhathini esizayo ngizoyikhomba".

Noma yibuphi ubuhlobo, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi hlobo luni lwabo, buzuza ngokwethembeka, nakuba ubuqotho obunjalo bungase bulimaze omunye, uma sinomuzwa wokuthi kukhona okuphambene nemigomo yobudlelwano futhi sizifaka engozini yokuphinda sihlole leyo migomo futhi, ngakho-ke, ukuqeda ubuhlobo noma ukuqeda ubuhlobo. ukubone ngenye indlela. Ngicabanga ukuthi uma usebudlelwaneni bomuntu oyedwa kunengozi eyengeziwe uma kuziwa ekukhulumisaneni, okwandisa leyo ngozi ngakho-ke lokho kwesaba, kodwa angicabangi ukuthi ukuntuleka kokuxhumana kuphela ku-monogamy.

Ingabe unanoma yiluphi uhlobo lombuzo umbhangqwana ongawubuza lapho uzama ukuba nengxoxo ejulile noma umhlahlandlela wokuqala ubudlelwano obunempilo, noma ngabe buyini? 

Ngizoqala ngokukusho lokho Ukukhuluma nalowo muntu kuyindawo ephephile, engenakho ukwahlulela, ukuthi abantu bobabili bayathandana nokuthi akukho okushiwoyo okuzoshintsha lokho.. Ngemuva kwalokho, kuzomele kwenziwe umsebenzi wokuzwelana ukuze kuqondwe ukuthi uthando luzizwa kanjani futhi luhlotshaniswa kanjani nomunye umuntu nokuthi ngabe zikhona yini izinhlobo noma cha.

Khona-ke kuyadingeka ukuhlola ukuthi le mibono emibili iyahambisana yini futhi ngayiphi indlela, i-symmetric noma i-asymmetric, futhi uthembeke ngomphumela.

Kubantu abanobudlelwano obuvaliwe abafuna ukuvula ubudlelwano babo futhi bangibuze, ngihlala ngisho into efanayo: “Ungaweli ogibeni lokucabanga ukuthi ‘uvula’ ubuhlobo obunabo. Uyabuqeda lobo budlelwano bese uqala obunye kusukela ekuqaleni ngamagama ahlukene”. Bahlale bengitshela ukuthi iseluleko sibasize kakhulu.

Uma ufuna ukufunda inhlolokhono ephelele, siyishiya lapha: Inhlolokhono ephelele kaThompson.

Mhlawumbe ungase ube nesithakazelo lolu chungechunge kokuqukethwe kwe-LGTBI.

Izinsiza zokuqonda I-Relational Anarchy

  • Incwadi kaJuan Carlos Pérez Cortés, isiphithiphithi sobudlelwane. Uguquko oluvela kuzixhumanisi.
  • Isiteshi se-YouTube sika-Juan Carlos Pérez Cortés

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  5. Isitoreji sedatha: Idatabase ebanjwe yi-Occentus Networks (EU)
  6. Amalungelo: Nganoma yisiphi isikhathi ungakhawulela, uthole futhi ususe imininingwane yakho.