Isimo sesehlukaniso seminyaka emide yomshado siwumuzwa okhipha umphefumulo, kunzima ukuwunqoba kwabanye ngenxa yalesi sizathu kubalulekile ukwazi izinhlobo ezahlukene indlela yokuqeda isehlukaniso ngemva kweminyaka yokuhlalisana, landela isihloko sethu.
Kuyadingeka ukuthatha isikhathi sokulila ukuze ukhiphe ubuhlungu
Indlela yokuqeda isehlukaniso?
Isehlukaniso, ngokomthetho, siwukuqedwa kwesibopho somshado, lapho izinhlangothi zombili kuyodingeka zixoxisane ngezibopho okungezabo ukuze baqhubeke nempilo yabo ngokuzimela. Ibhekana nokuguga kwemisebenzi namalungelo phakathi kwabashadile avela ngesikhathi sokungenela umshado, njengamalungelo esivumelwano, impesheni yamabhonasi, umsebenzi wokusiza nokwethembeka, phakathi kokunye.
Leso sibopho esithintekayo abantu ababili abathi bathwala izithakazelo, bakhulume futhi baphathe maqondana nekusasa ngenhlonipho, ubuqotho, ukuthembela komunye, inkululeko, ubumbano, ukuguquguquka nokujabulisa, bekhombisa uthando nsuku zonke.
Ngazo zonke izikhathi zokuhlakazeka kwezibopho zomshado, abashadile bangaba nezimpawu ezihlukene zokuhlukana, kungaba sekwedluleleni kokudangala, ukudangala nokungazethembi noma ngokunye okwedlulele, ukufuna ukwenza konke okushiyelwe umshado, okungukuthi athi gqoka impilo ngemizuzu.
Izimbangela zesehlukaniso
Ngaphakathi kwesimo sezimbangela ezidala isehlukaniso noma ukwehlukana komshado, izinhlobo ezimbili zezimbangela zingabhekwa, ngaphakathi nangaphandle.
Izimbangela Zangaphakathi
Lolu hlobo lwembangela lungadalwa yibo bobabili owesifazane nowesilisa, bangenzeka ngisho kukho kokubili ngesikhathi esisodwa; Phakathi kwazo sinazo:
- Ukungaqondi kahle kombhangqwana uqobo.
- Imibono yomuntu ngomunye wamalungu, hhayi ukuzibophezela.
- Inkani phambi kokuhlukana okuhlukene kwabashadile.
- Ukuntula ukuvuthwa nokuzibophezela.
- Ukunganaki ukwenza ubuhlobo bube ngcono.
- Ukunganeliseki komuntu siqu.
- Umhawu ongenasizathu noma ocatshangelwayo.
- Ukungabi nokuzimela.
- Umbono oyiphutha wothando.
- Ukuntula inkolelo nokuvunywa kwezinkinga ezivamile zabashadile.
- Njengamanje useyekile ukuthanda izithandani.
- Ukuzibandakanya ngokomzwelo okuphazamisekile.
- Ngokufundiswa kokuhlangenwe nakho kwangaphambilini, ikakhulukazi ngesikhathi sobuntwana.
Izimbangela Zangaphandle
Endabeni yezimbangela zangaphandle, ezilimaza ubudlelwano emshadweni futhi ezingadala ukuhlukana kombhangqwana, zibalulwe ngezansi:
- Izimo ezibucayi noma eziyinkinga zomshado nempilo kukho konke okubazungezile.
- Ubunzima obukhulu bokukhulumisana phakathi kwalokhu okubili.
- Umkhuba nesithukuthezi kuyawacupha futhi ayikho indlela yokukuxazulula.
- Udlame lwasekhaya olwenziwe phakathi kwabantu ababili, olubhekiswe kumlingani noma olubhekiswe ezinganeni.
- Isimo esinzima sokudakwa noma ukuba umlutha wezidakamizwa.
- Abantu besithathu abathintekayo emshadweni.
ukudlula a isehlukaniso ngemva kweminyaka sihlala ndawonye
Ubunzima busuka lapho kukhona ukuphoxeka phakathi kwabashadikazi bese bebona sengathi ngeke besakwazi ukuqhubeka behlala ndawonye ngoba lokho abebekulindele komunye nomunye ngeke kusakwazi ukuqhubeka.
I-nucleus yomndeni wonke iyathinteka futhi bezwa ukulila okubafikelayo, kusukela ngaleso sikhathi i-tension iqala okumele ifundwe ukubhekana nayo futhi ikakhulukazi uma ihlukaniswa nesibopho seminyaka eminingi yokuhlalisana, lapho imizwa kanye nemizwa. imvelo ebazungezile.
Kudingekile ukuthi ungazivaleli wena, usizo lomndeni kanye nochwepheshe kumele lucelwe ukuze ukwazi ukuqondisa imizwa ngendlela efanele. Ukuze wazi ukuthi ungayinqoba kanjani isehlukaniso ngemva kweminyaka sihlala ndawonye, kutuswa ukuthi:
khuluma ngemizwa
Kudingeka ukuxhumana nomndeni wakho noma abantu abaseduze kwakho, lokho ohluphekayo futhi uzizwa ngakho, ubhekisela kulokho okwenzekile ukuze bazi ngokwenzekayo futhi baphakamise ukuthi yini engcono kakhulu kuwe, noma ngabe ungumuntu owenza isinqumo. , ngoba kusukela ngaphandle izinto zibonakala ngendlela ehlukile kunalapho uyisisekelo sokugxila.
Icala kumele lichazwe ukuthi ngabe bekungomunye wabantu ababili abathathe isinqumo noma bekuyisivumelwano phakathi kwabo bobabili, noma ngabe kunemizwa yothando; uma kuyisinqumo sombhangqwana, cacisa izizathu zokuthi kungani lokho okuzwayo ngempela kuphuma kuwe futhi ususe okungalungile ukuze ubone izinto ngendlela ehlukile.
Ngamanye amazwi, kuyenzeka ukuthi umbhangqwana uhlukanise noma ngabe unemizwa exubile, kuphela ukuthi kunezinye izizathu ezingakuvumeli ukuhlalisana kwabo.
Yamukela indlela yokuqeda isehlukaniso
Ekunqobeni isehlukaniso, kubo bonke abanye abantu abakunikeza usizo, ukuthi uyamukele izimo zakho, akukona ukuthi imizwa yakho iphambene nomlingani wakho; kodwa ukuthi ungaphatheka kabi ukubona owakwakho ehlupheka.
Ngaleso sikhathi kuhle ukwenza izivivinyo zokuzindla ngokwamukelekayo, kuzo ungazijwayeza ukuvuma isimo obhekene naso ngaphandle kokufuna ukushintsha noma yini.
Thethelela
Njengoba ubona ukuthi omunye umuntu uphethe kabi uma isinqumo singesakho, umuzwa wecala ungavela uma sibona ukuthi umuntu uphethe kabi ngenxa yesinqumo esisithathile, kungavela icala, kufanele siqaphe ngoba lo muzwa ongadonsa futhi udideke futhi ungakuvumeli ujabulele ukuguquguquka okuningi.
Kuyisizathu sokuthi lowo muntu ngokwakhe kufanele athethelelwe, ngoba lokho kuthethelela kupholisa amanxeba futhi kukusiza kalula ukuthethelela abanye; konke lokhu kubalulekile ukuze abantu balulame ngokushesha.
Ukuze ulwisane nalomuzwa wecala, kuhle ukubhala uhlu olunakho konke okukuhluphayo nokukusolayo bese udalula noma uveze ukuthi uzixolele ngakho konke okwenzeka noma okwenzeke. Lokhu kuqeqeshwa kuzokujabulisa ukuthi yonke into oyithwele njengomthwalo ayinaso isisindo obukade unaso.
Enye indlela yokuqeda umuzwa wecala ibhekisela ekubhaleni incwadi mayelana naleso simo lapho ungakwazi ukuchaza isizathu sokuthi kungani lowo muzwa ungeke ube khona empilweni yakho, ukuthi isinqumo esithathiwe besizuzisa wonke umuntu nokuthi akufanele kube njalo. phakathi nokuphila kwakho.
Khumbula
Njengabantu unelungelo lokuqhubeka noma ukuqeda ubudlelwano obungase bube nobuthi, okubalulekile wukukhumbula izizathu ezenza ukuthi ubudlelwano bufike esiphethweni. Ukungabi nezizathu zokuphatha kabi noma ukuzizwa unecala, ngenxa yalesi simo sezikhona izimo.
Lelisu liyatuswa uma kunokungabaza, lapho abanye becabanga ukuthi akusona isinqumo esifanele, limane lizivumelanise nesimo esisha ophila kuso; ukukhumbula kuyokwenza ume uqine maqondana nalokho okwavunyelwana ngakho, ukuze ungawi noma udabuke, ngokushesha konke kuzodlula.
Thola futhi uveze izidingo
Unomuzwa wokuthi awukwazi ukuhlala nalowo muntu futhi awusakwazi ukukuthwala, kodwa ekugcineni uyamkhumbula, uze uzizwe ungenandaba nakho konke okumele ukwenze; Ziyimizwelo yemvelo kodwa udinga ukuthola ibhalansi, njengoba uhlala nomuntu isikhathi eside, kungokwemvelo ukuthi uzizwe ungekho, okuzobuyiselwa ngamandla akho, ukunganaki akukwazi ukuthatha impilo yakho.
Umzuzwana isidingo siqiniswa, ukuphazamiseka kuyeka ukuba nesisindo esiningi ngakho-ke kuqala ukuyeka ukulimaza; lapho uzibonisa ukubaluleka kwezidingo zakho kuyo yonke indawo ezungezile, kuyoba amandla okuqhubeka nokuphila. Ukunganaki umuzwa odala ukudangala ngenxa yezimo noma izenzakalo ezenzeka ekuphileni ezingaphawula umuntu uma engayilawuli imizwelo yakhe.
Mfundi othandekayo, sincoma lesi sihloko esilandelayo ku ukunganaki lapho ungathola khona ulwazi olwengeziwe mayelana nemizwa engemihle.
abhale avalelise
Enye yezindlela ezijwayeleke kakhulu zokubhekana nesililo esishiywe yisehlukaniso ukubhala incwadi yokuvalelisa, okuwukuvalelisa kulokho okusele kanye nakho konke lokho kuphatheka kabi okwavela ngenxa yokuhlukana. Ekuvaleliseni ungalandisa konke okuzwayo, okuhle nokubi ngokombono wakho.
Lapho ungabonga khona kulowo othandekayo, ngazo zonke izinto ezinhle nalezo ezazingezinhle kodwa ezibalulekile ukukusiza ukuthi ukhule, lapho ungaveza khona izinhlelo zekusasa nakho konke okufunayo kulowo muntu, uthole intethelelo ukuze ukwazi ukukhuluma indlela eyakhayo nebhizinisi.
Izincomo ngesehlukaniso esingalindelekile
Isehlukaniso okuvunyelwene ngaso ngaso sonke isikhathi siletha ukulila okufanele kucutshungulwe kancane kancane, kodwa ukwehlukana okungalindelekile, noma ngenxa yokuthi kuyisinqumo somuntu oyedwa noma ukuthi alikho ikhambi, njengoba ukuchithwa kuyadingeka, imiphumela ivame ukuhlukumezeka kakhulu.
ungazizwa unecala
Kokubili umshado nesehlukaniso kungokwabantu ababili, akuyena umuntu, okuwumthwalo wabo wemfanelo walaba bantu ababili ukuba baqede umshado, bobabili bathandane futhi bahloniphe omunye nomunye futhi ngesikhathi lapho kuba nokuhlukana.
Yehlisa umoya
Ungadabuki ngoba ungafuni ukuthi bakubone ukhala, kuyadingeka ukuthi ukhale ngoba uhlanzwa kanjalo umphefumulo; ngoba izinhlungu ezingeke zihlale zilandelana, ngenxa yendlela okungaba nzima ngayo, ungaze ubuyelwe yimizwa, kumele uqaphele ngoba akulula ukuthi ungayinqoba kanjani isehlukaniso.
Lezi zibuyekezo ziwukuphikisa okungenzeka ngezinsuku ezihlukene ezibalulekile njengezinsuku zesikhumbuzo, izinsuku zokuzalwa, uKhisimusi, amaholide obaba noma kamama; njengoba ziyimikhosi ezokhiqiza izinkumbulo ezijulile, kufanele kukhunjulwe ukuthi ziyiziqephu zemvelo ezenzekayo, kufanele ubone ukuthi zizodlula maduze futhi zizoba yizinkumbulo ezinhle.
samukele isimo
Kudingeka ukuthi imiphumela yesehlukaniso yamukelwe esikhundleni sokuyiphika, iyiqiniso futhi nakakhulu uma phakathi kombhangqwana oyedwa walaba ababili engasazizwa ngendlela efanayo; iqiniso kumele lamukelwe.
Kufanele ulahle izikhathi owayehlala kuzo ezaziyinjabulo ukuze uqhubekele phambili, ngaphandle kwalokho uzoba sendingilizini yobuhlungu nomunyu. Ukubheka phambili nokuya phambili akulula, kodwa akwenzeki nakho. Ungacabangi ukuthi ujabule kuphela ngoba ubunaye lowo muntu eceleni kwakho, ukuba yi-codependent akuwona umuzwa onempilo walezo zimo zesehlukaniso.
Mfundi othandekayo, sikumema ngokufudumele ukuthi ulandele, ungene futhi ufunde isihloko esilandelayo mayelana indlela yokunqoba ukuncika ngokomzwelo futhi uzokwazi ukuqonda okuningi ngale ndaba.
ukujwayela ukufunda
Kuyisimo esinzima kubashadikazi kodwa kuyisipiliyoni okumelwe sifaniswe ukuze bafunde indlela yokunqoba isehlukaniso ngemva kweminyaka behlala ndawonye, kungaba kuhle noma kubi; njengoba lezi zici zizonikeza okuhlangenwe nakho kokukhula futhi zingabuyeli emuva naphezu kweqiniso lokuthi kwakungomunye umuntu owathatha isinqumo sokuhlukana.
Hlukanisa imibono namaqiniso
Futhi akufanele umbhangqwana ube nemibono enengqondo, ngoba bangabantu abawenza amaphutha futhi bangahluleka, ngokwenza kanjalo bawisa okulindelwe kwalokho ababekuphuphile nalokho okungenzeka kwenzeka.
Ungadlali isisulu
Futhi awukwazi ukuzwa ukucasuka noma inzondo ngalowo muntu obumthanda, obumthanda futhi osuchithe isikhathi esiningi ndawonye; iqiniso lihlukile, alikona ukusola omunye umphefumulo, lokho akukuzuzisi ngokomzwelo ngoba ungakha ifilimu ongathi ngokucasuka okukhulu, ukholwe futhi ungagula ngenxa yokungabhekananga namaqiniso.
Shintsha incazelo yempilo yakho
Impilo iyaqhubeka futhi unelungelo lokuzihlela kabusha futhi ujabule, ukubona izinto ngelinye iso, ukujabulela ukuphila nokubonga uNkulunkulu ngakho konke oye waphila kukho nalokho okufanele uphile kusukela manje kuqhubeke, uzizwe ujabule futhi ujabule ngakho konke okuzayo futhi ufise ukuthi ubungeke ukwenze.
Jabulela okukujabulisayo
Endabeni yokuthola izingane emshadweni, kumele ubonge ngazo eziyizithelo zalolo thando olukhulu futhi ezazisemaphusheni ezaziwahlelile, ziyinjini enkulu ukuqhubeka.
Kufanele ubonge ngomsebenzi wakho, ngalokho okwenzayo kuzoba omunye umfutho wokuqhubekela phambili njengoba izibopho nezibopho ezahlukene zizokwenza uphumule futhi ukhohlwe yisimo ohlangabezane naso. Ngendlela efanayo, kufanele ubonge uNkulunkulu ngomkhaya okuzungezile ukuba akududuze kanye nalabo abangani abangakaze bakushiye wedwa ukuze bakusize uqede isehlukaniso.