Ngenye imini siye sathetha nge-Relational Anarchy kunye nesayikholoji yengqondo kunye nengcali yale modeli yobudlelwane. Namhlanje, sithetha noNoelia García, isazi ngengqondo yeklinikhi jikelele, malunga ezinye iindlela zokutshata nomntu omnye kunye nezimvo zakho njengengcali kulo mba.
Sikushiya apha udliwano-ndlebe malunga ne-Relational Anarchy.
Iindlela ezizezinye kwi-monogamy: udliwano-ndlebe nengcali yezengqondo
Abakhuseli bobudlelwane bemveli baqinisekisa ukuba “amadoda nabafazi kufuneka bagcine amaqhina akhethekileyo ukuqinisekisa ukuqhubeka kohlobo, kwaye akukho sizathu sokuba oku kungenzeki, nokuba ingakanani na indlela esiwaqonda ngayo amaqhina. .uthando”. Luthini uluvo lwakho ngale ngxelo?
Njengempikiswano ibonakala kum ihlwempuzekile, i-reductionist kwaye ikude nentlalo yoluntu / inyaniso echaphazelekayo. Ndicinga ukuba xa sithatha isigqibo sokunxibelelana nabanye abantu, siyenza ikakhulu siqhutywa yindlela abo bantu basenza sivakalelwe ngayo, ngolonwabo lwenkampani yabo kunye nezinye izenzo ezivuselelayo, hayi ngeyona njongo iphambili nekuphela kwayo yokuzivelisa.
Enye into endikhathazayo ligama elithi "isidingo". Ubudlelwane obunempilo obuchaphazelayo busekwa malunga nokukhethwa okanye ukhetho, akusayi kuba yimfuneko. Kuyo nayiphi na imeko, kunye nokuthatha ukuveliswa njengengxabano, andiyiboni ukuba le nto ingaba yodwa okanye ingahambelani njani nezinye iindlela zokudibanisa ezifana nobudlelwane obuvulekileyo, i-polyamory okanye i-anarchy yobudlelwane.
Ngaba ucinga ukuba ukuba nomfazi omnye kuyindalo okanye kuyinxalenye yendalo yethu?
Unotshe. Enyanisweni, uninzi lwezilwanyana ezanyisayo zisebenzisa isithembu. Abantu bebengasoloko benomfazi omnye (isithembu besisenziwa ixesha elide nakwiinkcubeko ezininzi) kwaye olu tshintsho kwindlela esinxibelelana ngayo yayinento yokwenza nokudityaniswa kobuKristu kunye neenqobo zabo zokuziphatha-zenkolo eluntwini. Ukuba ibiyinto engaphakathi kwindalo yethu, ngaba bekuya kubakho ukungathembeki okungaka?
Ucinga ukuba yintoni egqibayo ukuba umntu utyekele kubudlelwane bomntu omnye okanye uthatha isigqibo phakathi kokunye endaweni yokuba nomfazi omnye?
Kwimfundo efunyenweyo, ingqondo evulekileyo, ukucinga okubalulekileyo malunga nezithethe, imigangatho ebekwe njengengqongqo kwaye ayilunganga okanye ithandeka kumntu wonke, amava angaphambili achaphazeleka ngokwesondo, imodeli yokuhlangana kwabazali, ukwazi okanye ukunxibelelana nabanye abantu abenza okanye zihambelana nenye imodeli yothando, njl.
Abantu abazijonga njenge-polyamorous okanye i-anarchists yobudlelwane bathanda "ukuntywila" kubudlelwane obuqhelekileyo bomntu omnye. Imalunga nantoni?
Okokuqala, cacisa ukuba kukho umahluko phakathi kwe-polyamory kunye ne-anarchism yobudlelwane. Kwi-polyamory kusekho ingqikelelo yesibini kunye nokwahlukana kwayo kunye nezinye iintlobo zamaqhina (i-hierarchical okanye i-non-hierarchical) ngelixa i-anarchy yobudlelwane ifuna ukuvuthela yonke into emiselweyo yentlalo yoluntu ukutshabalalisa iinkolelo esinazo kwaye sicinge malunga namaqhina okanye ubudlelwane.
Ndicinga ukuba undoqo kukumava. Oko kukuthi, umntu ongeyena-monogamous (nokuba i-polyamorous okanye enye inketho) unokukhetha ngexesha elithile ukugcina ubudlelwane obukhethekileyo nomnye umntu, kodwa ngokusekelwe kukhetho okanye ukhetho. Kuya kwahluka kakhulu ukuba iqabane lakho, uluntu okanye wena unyanzelise. Ekugqibeleni kunye namazwi omhlobo "awuzukuhlala kwaye wenze uthando njengoko ucinga kwaye uvakalelwa" kwaye oku kungabonakali kuphela kwimvakalelo yokuphelelwa umoya, kodwa nokuba netyala, ukungcikivwa, ukuvalelwa, ukungakhathali, njl.
Ngaba kunokwenzeka ukuba umntu ozigqala njengeqabane lomtshato omnye unokuba nolwalamano nomntu ongatshatanga naye?
Mhlawumbi. Oko kukuthi, njengoko kumzekelo wangaphambili ocetywayo, kunokwenzeka ukuba umntu ongeyena umfazi omnye uthatha isigqibo ngomzuzu othile ukuba abe yedwa kunye nomntu omnye. Kuyinyani, kwaye ngokoluvo lwam, ukuba iimeko ziyatshintsha kwaye kugqitywe ukuba kuvulwe ubudlelwane okanye kugcinwe amaqhina amaninzi nabanye, ukuba umntu otshatileyo ufumana oku njengento embi, engavumelaniyo nayo kwaye ivelise ukungathandeki, kakhulu. ngokunokwenzeka ubudlelwane buya kuphelisa.
Kucaciswa ukuba iRelational Anarchy "ayikwahluli ngokobuqhetseba umntu onxulumana naye ngokuthandana nomntu onxulumana naye ngokungeyothando." Kuthetha ukuthini oku ngokwenene?
Isiphithiphithi sobudlelwane sifuna ukuvuthela yonke imo yentlalo enyanzeliswe ukutshabalalisa iinkolelo esinazo kwaye sicinge malunga nobudlelwane okanye ubudlelwane. Ayisahluli ngokufanelekileyo phakathi kwamaqhina othando kunye nowothando. Ikhonkco ngalinye lihlukile kwaye lakhiwe ngokusekelwe kubantu abazenzayo, iimeko, njl. Iileyibhile "umhlobo" okanye "iqabane" liyanyamalala kodwa uxanduva oluchaphazelekayo luhlala kobu budlelwane.
Ukuze ube nolunye unxulumano kumfazi omnye, ngaba ufuna uhlobo oluthile lokufunda?
Ngendlela efanayo ukuba, umzekelo, abantu abazalwanga "machista", kodwa kunokuba siba xa sidibana noluntu kunye nemilinganiselo yalo, kule meko kwenzeka into efanayo. Akukho mntu uzalwa i-anarchist, i-polyamorous okanye i-monogamous, yakhiwe. Ngokubhekiselele kwizikhokelo, ziya kufana naluphi na uhlobo lobudlelwane, nantoni na isakhiwo sayo: ukuzazi, unxibelelwano kunye noxanduva oluninzi lweemvakalelo, phakathi kwabanye.
Ukungazithembi kunxulumene kangakanani nomnqweno wokuba neqabane elinye? Ngaba abantu abazithembileyo badla ngokufuna ezinye iindlela zokutshata nomntu omnye?
Ndicinga ukuba kunokubakho abantu abakhuselekileyo nabangakhuselekanga kuzo zombini iimodeli zobudlelwane. Nangona kunjalo, abantu abakhuselekileyo banokuthi bacinge ngokutsha ngobudlelwane, ngakumbi iimfuno zexesha kunye nemida, xa kuthelekiswa nezingakhuselekanga kwaye oku kunokukhokelela, mhlawumbi, ekugxekeni okukhulu kothando lothando, inkqubo ye-hegemonic-sex-affective system kunye neemodeli zobudlelwane kunye nezakhelo. Ngamanye amazwi, ukuzithemba ngakumbi kunye nokwazi into oyifunayo kwaye uyifunayo kukuvumela ukuba ugxeke ngakumbi kwizakhiwo kunye neemodeli ezithile.
Umona ufanele ulawulwe njani? Ngaba lulawulo olusondeleyo okanye njengesibini?
Umona yindlela eqhelekileyo yokusabela ngokweemvakalelo ekhoyo ukusazisa ngento ethile. umona unokuba njalo eguqukayo, logama nje besazisa, basinceda siqonde unobangela wazo yaye oku kusenza sikwazi ukuzicombulula okanye i-maladaptive/ingasebenzi kakuhle ukuba siyasilela ukuzilawula kakuhle. Ke ngoko, ingxaki ayikho ekufumaneni umona ngexesha elithile, kodwa kwinto esiyenzayo ngalo mona (ulawulo olulungileyo okanye olubi lweemvakalelo). Ngokuphathelele ulawulo lwayo, kufuneka ibe yeyakho kunye neqabane lakho, ukhumbula ukuba ukunxibelelana ngendlela esiziva ngayo kuya kunceda ukwandisa imvakalelo yokuqonda, inkxaso kunye nobudlelwane obusondeleyo nomnye umntu.
Izikhokelo: Khetha ukuziqhelanisa kwaye ungazigwebi ngenxa yokufumana iimpendulo ezithile zeemvakalelo, phanda izizathu zokuba kutheni ndinokuba nomona (ukwandisa ulwazi lwethu) kwaye unxibelelane neqabane ukuba siziva njani xa sijongana nokulawula iqabane, ukwalela, njl. .
Enye indawo emele i-AR kukuba "ubudlelwane obukhulu kufuneka bube nencoko kunye nonxibelelwano njenge-axis yabo ephakathi, kungekhona njengemeko yonxunguphalo ebonakala kuphela xa kukho "iingxaki". Ngaba zonke iintlobano zesini akufanele zibe ngolu hlobo? Kutheni kukho iingxaki ezininzi kangaka zonxibelelwano phakathi kwezibini eziqhelekileyo?
Inene, oku kufanele ukuba kusisiseko sehlabathi lonke kunye nendlela yokuqhubekeka ngokugqwesileyo kuzo zonke iintlobo zobudlelwane, ukuba nomfazi omnye okanye hayi. Ubudlelwane bezibini ezininzi buphela busilela, phakathi kwezinye izinto, ngenxa yokunqongophala konxibelelwano okanye ukugcinwa kweendlela zonxibelelwano ezingasebenziyo, ezithi, ngaphaya kokujongana nengxaki, ibe yingxaki ngokwayo. Ngoko ke, ukwazi indlela yokunxibelelana kubalulekile, kodwa ukwazi indlela yokwenza kakuhle, ngentlonipho kunye nokuqinisekiswa, kubalulekile.
Njengokuqukumbela: imfundo engaphezulu yeemvakalelo iyafuneka esivumela ukuba sichonge iimvakalelo kuthi nakwabanye, silindele, sizilawule ngokweemvakalelo.
Ukuqala ukuthetha ngezi ndlela zokutshata nomntu omnye njengesibini, yintoni esifanele siyenze?
Okokuqala, yithi akukho binzana elithi "umlingo" okanye elingcono kunelinye lokukhuthaza incoko. Endidla ngokuyisebenzisa ithi “(igama lomntu), ndingathanda sithethe ngokwenzekileyo”. Ukuncokola okanye ukuxoxa ngesihloko esithile akunzima, into enzima ukuyenza ngokuchanekileyo ngexesha elifanelekileyo.
Ukunxibelelana ngokunyanisekileyo, oko kukuthi, ukuthetha kumntu wokuqala, ukusuka kwimvakalelo kwaye kungekhona ekuziphatheni komnye, ukugxeka okanye ukuhlambalaza, ngokuqhelekileyo kunciphisa umngcipheko wokuba omnye umntu uya kuthatha incoko njengohlaselo lomntu kwaye ngoko kufutshane nengxoxo. Ukuhlonipha ixesha lakho neleqabane lakho xa uthetha nako kubalulekile, kunye nokuqonda inqanaba lethu lokuvula xa sithetha. Ukuba sisoyika kakhulu, sinomsindo okanye sizaliswe ziimvakalelo, kusenokwenzeka ukuba asiyi kukwazi ukunxibelelana ngokufanelekileyo.
Ukuya kunyango lwezengqondo kunokuba lukhetho olukhulu lokufunda kunye / okanye ukuphucula izakhono zentlalo, kunye nokunyanga iingxaki zezibini xa izisombululo bezizanywe ngaphambili ngaphandle kwempumelelo.