kusagadzikana kwehukama

Makore 500 apfuura, La Celestina yaive mutambo wakakura waiti kodzero yekuroora nekuda kwerudo nemunhu wawaida panguva iyo michato yakawanda yaive nezvimwe zvinangwa. Nenzira imwecheteyo iyo mudare raLouis XIV, varume chete vepedyo uye vanovimbwa zvikuru namambo vaibvumirwa kupfeka zvitsitsinho, uye makore 100 apfuura ruvara rwepinki rwakatsanangurwa seruvara rwevarume. Zvinotanga Alejandro Thompson, nyanzvi yezvepfungwa uye yehukama anarchist, Nhasi mubvunzurudzo.

Isu tinoshanduka (kana kudzoreredza), nzira yedu yekudyidzana shanduko, izvo zvinonzi zvakajairwa zvinogara zvichigadziridzwa, tinodzidza mhando dzehukama hutsva uye mafomati. Zvese izvi zvinoita kuti titaure nezvazvo murume mumwe chete, hukama hwakavhurika, polyamory uye kusagadzikana kwehukama DNA yedu inotiudza here kuti tinofanira kuwirirana sei? Hukama hunofambiswa sei kubva mukusagadzikana kwehukama? Takazvarwa here kana kuti tinova murume mumwe chete?

Chii chinonzi Relational Anarchy?

Kusagadzikana kwehukama kunovakira padzidziso dzezvematongerwo enyika nedzemagariro kusagadzikana kuramba hutongi mukati mehukama. Vanosiya marudzi ose ezvinotarisirwa uye vanonyepedzera kusasiyanisa hukama muzvikamu; Hakuna hukama hwehushamwari kana rudo, zvese zvine kukosha kwakafanana. Izvi hazvirevi kuregeredza kuzvipira, sezvo Thompson anotsanangura posteriori, asi kuenzanisa hukama hwose pasina kuenzanisa kana kuaisa mumapoka, uye kufunga kuti hapana chikamu chinoda kukuvadza chimwe, saka, hapana chikonzero chekusavimbana.

Hurukuro nezvehukama husiri hwetsika

Iwe unofunga kuti murume mumwe chete ndewemuzvarirwo here kana kuti ndiwo masikirwo edu?

Dai taive vanhu vetsika dzechivanhu chaidzo tikadzokera kumavambo kwezvipenyu, kungadai kune nyanzvi dzakawanda dzeanthropology dzinoratidza kuti hapana chinhu chiri mukati memunhu chinoratidza kuti tiri mhuka ine murume mumwe chete. Ndinokutungamirirai kumabhuku akadai DzeBonde Kwayedza naChristopher Ryan naCacilda Jethá, nyanzvi mbiri dzeanthropologist dzinopokana chaizvo kuti pamavambo munhu aive mukomunitare uye aine polyamorous.

Zvandinofunga ndizvozvo kukwanisa kwedu kuda chinhu pachedu, munhu uye kuzivikanwa. Kune vanhu vanogona kungoita hukama hwemurume mumwe chete nekuti kusimba kwavanoda kunongokwanisa kuzvitsaurira kumunhu mumwechete uye zvakanaka.

Asi iniwo ndinofunga kuti kune vanhu vazhinji vari muhukama hwemurume mumwe vasina kuziva imwe nzira uye vanonzwa vachizarirwa navo. Ini ndinotenda kuti, sehunhu hwepabonde uye kuzivikanwa kwemurume nemukadzi, hukama hwemunhu hwega hwega huripo pane zvakatarwa kubva kumurume mumwe chete kuenda kumhirizhonga yehukama uye zvinosiyana zvichienderana nekuti munhu wese anonzwa sei uye anotsanangura rudo, mukuona kwangu. Maonero haisi sarudzo. hazvibviri kumanikidza mumwe munhu kunzwa rudo neimwe nzira.

Iwe unofunga kuti chii chinotarisa kuti munhu anofarira murume mumwe chete here kana mamwe marudzi ehukama husina-normative?

Hapana munhu anogona kuzvimanikidza kuve polyamorous kana hukama anarchist nekutendiswa, nenzira imwecheteyo hapana munhu anofanirwa kumanikidza mumwe munhu kuti ave mukadzi mumwe chete sezvazviri kuitwa kubva zvagara zvichiitwa. Kuenda polyamorous kana relational anarchist hakuna kufanana nekuenda vegan.

Polyamorous, relational anarchist kana monogamous, iwe unongoda kutora rwendo rwakanaka rwekufungidzira kuti uzviwane, izvo zvandinodaidza nejee "mental origami", senge hunhu hwepabonde uye kuzivikanwa kwevakadzi. Kune vanhu vazhinji ve polyamorous muwadhiropu vasingazvizivi uye vanotambura muhukama hwavo. Chinhu chimwe chete chandinodzivirira ndechekuti hukama hahuna chepfu, kuti kune huchenjeri hwepfungwa uye kuti kutarisirwa kunotorwa nekubatana-kutsamira. Izvi zvinogona kuitika nenzira ipi neipi yehukama, haisi yega kune chero rudzi rwehukama.

Iwe unozoziva sei kuti ndeipi yehukama modhi inokodzera iwe zvakanyanya?

Ndinotenda kuti kune vanhu avo, mushure mekuita "mental origami", vanouya kumhedziso yokuti ivo vane mukadzi mumwe chete, kuti vanogona kungonzwa mamwe manzwiro pane imwe nzvimbo yakasimba chete nemunhu mumwe chete, uye izvozvo zvakakwana.

Asi iniwo ndinotenda kuti kune maitiro ekunze ari kupera zvishoma nezvishoma uye anoita kuti asingaoneki chero rudzi rwehukama husiri murume mumwe chete, mungave munharaunda yako yetsika, yemagariro, yezvematongerwe enyika kana yechitendero.

Kune hukama hwakawanda hwemunhu mumwe chete kupfuura vanhu vane murume mumwe chete uye imhaka yekuti ndiwo maitiro ayo nzanga dzedu anozviita.. Sezvinenge zvese, mirau ndeyekunyepedzera uye jeri kune vakawanda. Kutyora nepfungwa yekuti pane mutemo kwakakosha. Iyo yakakosha mibvunzo yehuzivi inofanira kubvunzwa kuti uwane yako yemhando yehukama ndeye "Chii chinonzi rudo kwandiri?", "pane mhando dzakasiyana dzerudo here?", "chii chandinoita kuti ndipinde murudo?", nezvimwewo. Uye kana iwe uchida kuongorora kuti yakawanda sei pesvedzero yekunze pane imwe neimwe mhinduro, ini ndinobvunza "Sei ndichifunga seizvi?". Kuchengeta iyi nhaurirano yeSocratic newe uye nekutendeseka mumhinduro, munhu anoona manzwiro anoita munhu uye nemhando yehukama yaanozivisa zvimwe.

Zvinoita here kuti munhu anozviti ane murume mumwe chete anogona kudanana nemunhu asina?

Hongu, zvinonzwika. Sevanhu tinoda kuenzanisa uye tinowanzo funga kuti mapato ese ari muhukama anofanirwa kuenzana, kana zvisiri izvo isu tinowanzo kufunga kuti kusarongeka kuri kuitwa kana kuti mumwe munhu ari kutora mukana kune mumwe munhu.

Kuti munhu ane hunhu hwemukadzi mumwe ave murudo nemunhu asiri wake, anofanira kunge achiziva manzwire aanoita rudo, kuva nechokwadi muukama hwake naye uye kuziva kuti angaziva sei kuti rudo rwunotaurwa nemumwe wake. iye haambove nemubvunzo, hazvina kushaya simba nekuti mumwe wako anoda vamwe vanhu. Muchokwadi, iwe unogona kutofarira mumwe wako kana akakuudza kuti asangana nemunhu anonakidza kana akakosha uye asinganzwe kutyisidzirwa.. Pane kutaura kwakawanda munzanga ino pamusoro pegodo, asi kuduku zvikuru pamusoro pokumanikidzana* (kusanzwisisa), kunova manzwiro ako akasiyana uye zvinoreva kunyatsonzwa kufara kana munhu waunoda achifara nemumwe munhu kana kuita chimwe chinhu chausina hanya newe.. Munhu ane murume mumwe chete angave asingadi, anokwanisa kana kuti anoda kunzwa kushamwaridzana pakadzika kwakadaro nevanhu vakawanda, asi vanogona kunzwisisa kuti mumwe wavo anoita uye zvinoratidzika zvakanaka kwandiri.

*comperion inzvimbo inonzwira tsitsi yerufaro uye mufaro unowanikwa kana mumwe munhu akasangana nerufaro nerufaro. Dzimwe nguva zvinogona kuzivikanwa serudado rwunonzwikwa nevabereki mukubudirira kwevana vavo kana mafaro emunhu pazvinoitwa neshamwari. Inowanzoshandiswa kurondedzera apo munhu anonakidzwa nemanzwiro akanaka apo mudiwa wavo anofarira humwe hukama. Izvo zvinopesana negodo [Wikipedia]

Chii chinonzi hukama hwakavakirwa pakusagadzikana kwehukama kwauri?

Kusagadzikana kwehukama kunowanzo kupatsanurwa, zvisizvo mumaonero angu, mukati mepolyamory. Asi pane hunhu hunokosha hunovasiyanisa. Mune polyamory une akati wandei hukama hwerudo, asi ivo vanoramba vachisiyaniswa kubva kune humwe hukama hwehupenyu hwako, muhukama hwehukama ivo havasi.

Hukama hwese huripo hurukuro pakati pevanhu vaviri inovakwa kubva panguva yekukwazisa munhu. Chinhu chakakosha chese anarchism kubvunza izvo zvakatosimbiswa uye zvakarongerwa kuongororwa uye kuongororwa. A relational anarchist anoona hukama hwese pasina zvikamu uye pasina kurongeka kwekukosha. Izvi hazvirevi kuti une hukama hwakafanana naamai vepamba sehwababa vako seshamwari yako yepamoyo, asi zvinoreva kuti zvose zvakavakwa maererano nehurukuro dzavakamboita navo. Iyo dhigirii uye chimiro chekuzvipira kwakagadzwa nemumwe weava vanhu kwakasiyana uye hukama neshamwari yako yepamoyo hunogona kunzi hwakakosha kwauri kupfuura iyo ine mukuru wako, asi kunyangwe izvo zvinogona kusiyana. mwedzi.

Chinhu chakakosha ndechekuti iwe unosarudza kugovera nguva nezviitwa nevanhu vakasiyana asi, kwandiri, kana wasvika mamwe mazinga ehukama, kuvimbana, nezvimwe. unotanga kusasiyanisa kuti ndiani anonyanya kukosha. nokuti ose akakosha zvakaenzana.

Kusavapo kwevakuru vakuru kunocherechedzwa pakuti rudo rwakaenzana noushamwari. Ndine chiono cherudo chehushamwari chinondiita kuti ndifunge kuti kwandiri ushamwari imhando yerudo rune mwero wepamusoro wekuchena. Sezvinongoita maValencians anongodaidza paella Valenciana paella uye imwe yasara mupunga une zvinhu, ndinonzwa kuti ushamwari rudo uye chasara rudo nezvinhu.

Padanho redzidziso, RA inonzwika inonakidza, pamwe nepolyamory, asi pane chero mhando yenhungamiro inogona kuteverwa kudzidza kutungamirira rudzi urwu rwehukama kana kuti zvimwe chinhu icho munhu anozvarwa nacho? "Wakazvarwa here kana kuitwa anarchist / polyamorous"?

Anarchist / polyamorous inowanikwa. Unozvarwa usingazive kuti unonzwa sei, unozvarwa usina maturusi ekuona. Tine tarisiro, huchenjeri hwepfungwa uye kufunga kwakadzama kunogadzirwa izvo zvinobvumira munhu kuzviongorora uye kusarudza kuti munhu akanyanya kugadzikana sei uye nei munhu achinyanya kugadzikana mune imwe nzira kana imwe, iko pesvedzero yekunze, kurera here kana kuti ndeyemukati uye isingakundike. kunzwa ? Kuzviongorora uye kuzviwana kwakakosha kuti uzive manzwiro nemanzwiro anoita munhu, inyaya yekuzivikanwa.

Kusachengeteka kwakabatana kusvika papi nechishuvo chokuva nomukadzi mumwe chete? Vanhu vane chivimbo vanowanzove nehukama hushoma hwetsika?

Havana hukama uye kwete. Isu tese tine kusachengeteka, kune vanhu vanonzwa kutya chaiko kwekuve voga uye kuita hukama mushure mehukama kuti vadzivise kuva vega, vangave vari vega kana hukama hwepolyamorous. Kuti uzviongorore iwe unofanirwa kubvunza zvinhu, kubvunza zvinhu unofanirwa kusave nechokwadi chemhinduro. Kusachengeteka hakuna kuipa kana kuchengeteka hakuna kunaka. Iwe unogona kuve nechokwadi chako uye uve munhu asingatsungirike narcissist, unogona kunge usina kuchengeteka, asi rarama kusachengeteka kwako nekutendeseka uye hazvina chekuita nemabatiro aunoita.

Imwe yenzvimbo yeRelational Anarchy ndiyo iyo "Hukama hwakanyanya hunofanirwa kuve nekukurukurirana uye kutaurirana sechinhu chepakati, kwete semamiriro enjodzi anongoonekwa kana paine" matambudziko.”. Hukama hwese hahufanire kunge hwakadai here? Sei kune matambudziko akawanda ekukurukurirana pakati pevakaroorana vakaroorana?

Kukurukurirana ndihwo hwaro hwehukama hwese hwevanhu, chero hwahwo. Hurukuro inogona kupatsanurwa kuita zvidimbu zvakaita sehungwaru, hunhu, hushamwari kana hwepanyama. Bonde hachisi chimwe chinhu kunze kwechimiro chemuviri uye hukama hwehukama hwekukurukurirana kwaunoita nemunhu.

Kakawanda tinodzivisa kutaura manzwiro edu pamusana pemabatiro aanogona kuita mumwe kana kuti tichitya kupesana nokuti hatitombozivi zvatinonzwa. Dzimwe nguva tinoverengera kusvika tawana chimwe chinhu chipfupi chekutaura. Isu tose tinobatwa nepfungwa yekuti, kana isu tisina kujeka nezve chimwe chinhu, kana isu tisina kusarudzwa, hazvina kukodzera kutaurirana, asi ndinofunga kuti zvakakosha kuratidza kusazvisarudzira uye kupokana sechinhu chemunhu ndokuti"Ndinonzwa izvi, handizive kuti sei ndichizvinzwa kana zvine chekuita newe, asi ndine urombo, pamwe mangwana ndinonzwa zvakapesana uye handizive kuti sei, asi pamwe mune ramangwana ndinoenda. ndichazvizivisa".

Chero hukama, chero hupi hwahwo, hunobatsira kubva mukutendeseka, kunyangwe kutendeseka kwakadaro kunogona kukuvadza mumwe, kana isu tichinzwa chimwe chinhu chinopesana nezvirevo zvehukama uye isu tinosangana nenjodzi yekuongorora zvakare mazwi iwayo uye, nekudaro, kugumisa hukama kana kuti. zvione zvakasiyana. Ndinofunga kuti kana iwe uri muukama hwemunhu mumwe kune zvakanyanya kutarisana nekukurukurirana, izvo zvinowedzera njodzi iyoyo uye naizvozvo kutya ikoko, asi handifungi kuti kushayikwa kwekukurukurirana kunongowanikwa kune mumwe chete.

Iwe une chero mhando yemubvunzo inogona kubvunzwa nevaviri kana vachiedza kuita hurukuro yakadzama kana gwara rekutanga hukama hune hutano, chero zvazvingava? 

Ndaizotanga ndichitaura izvozvo Kutaura nemunhu iyeye inzvimbo yakachengeteka, isina kutonga, kuti vanhu vese vanodanana uye kuti hapana chakataurwa chichachinja izvozvo.. Mushure mezvo, chiitiko chekunzwira tsitsi chinozofanirwa kuitwa kuti unzwisise kuti rudo rwunonzwa sei uye rwunofungwa nemumwe munhu uye kana paine mhando kana kwete.

Zvadaro zvakakosha kuongorora kana zviratidzo zviviri izvi zvichipindirana uye nenzira ipi, symmetric kana asymmetric, uye kuva akatendeseka nemugumisiro.

Kune vanhu vane hukama hwakavharika vanotsvaga kuvhura hukama hwavo uye vakandibvunza, ndinogara ndichitaura chinhu chimwe chete: “Usawira mumusungo wokufunga kuti uri ‘kuzarura’ ukama humwe chetehwo hwamanga muchiita. Uri kupedza hukama ihwohwo uye kutanga humwe kubva pakutanga nemashoko akasiyana". Vanogara vachindiudza kuti zano rakavabatsira.

Kana iwe uchida kuverenga hurukuro yakazara, tinoisiya pano: Full Thompson interview.

Zvimwe ungafarira aya akateedzana pane LGTBI zvemukati.

Zviwanikwa zvekunzwisisa Relational Anarchy

  • Bhuku raJuan Carlos Pérez Cortés, kusagadzikana kwehukama. Iko kumukira kubva kune zvinongedzo.
  • YouTube chiteshi cheJuan Carlos Pérez Cortés

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