In recent decades, a strong awareness has been spreading throughout the world about stopping the mistreatment of women. But ordinary individuals don't always know how to do it. Here we will talk about how to help a battered woman.
How to help a battered woman?
The first concern that afflicts us in possible cases of abuse is the concern of acting out of order, of misreading a situation with many more nuances. The Good Samaritan can end up being an annoying guest who creates resentments and conflicts where they did not necessarily exist in the beginning, at least not to the level suggested.
Therefore, without the risk of falling into false accusations, we must keep in mind some basic signs that a close person is actually being mistreated to learn how to help a battered woman. One of them, the most superficial, is a particular change in your physical image.
Your way of dressing may have become much more gray and understated, after having much more flashy presentation habits. This usually happens frequently on the orders of the abuser, who does not tolerate dresses sensual for considering them a provocation towards other men by their partner. It could also be reflected in other aesthetic aspects, such as duller or gathered hair and the absence of lipstick, which was common before.
Another aspect to review is the general mood of the woman in question. She can manifest as a person who seems to have a layer of depressive despondency on top of another layer of severe anxiety, after being an enthusiastic and mild-mannered person. If this attitude worsens in the presence of her partner, accompanied by a certain state of low profile and submission, it may be symptomatic of abuse.
The dominance situation may have become so radical that it profoundly limits their contacts with the environment. Then we can see a change in their outgoing habits, with frequent absences and distance from essential contacts, such as family and inseparable friends. It would also be usual that, when a social event is proposed, they usually express the need to consult with their partner before deciding.
Of course, a red alert in many cases could be the presence of injuries in various parts of the body, which are difficult to explain. Many times the battered woman's own fearful excuse for the bruise or scratch is often indicative of abuse that has progressed to the point of making her victim feel guilty for being hurt.
In the following video by the psychologist Isabel Menéndez Benavente, a little more depth is given to the identification of a situation of abuse and how to help a battered woman
Progression of abuse
But how do you get to this point? Too often, the subjugated woman is singled out later for not having noticed the now obvious signs of abuse by her partner. The slow progression that exists within the relational dynamic, from an affectionate relationship to a domestic tyranny, is ignored.
Perhaps it is something similar to what happens in many countries that slide into authoritarianism through years of institutional erosion. Since it is not a hit-and-run process, citizens have problems reacting, falling asleep within the imposed system. The woman is also being mistreated, mentally sheltered in the first good years of equity and even blaming herself for not valuing her situation sufficiently.
Another behavior that makes it difficult to react to abuse and even to identify it, is the constant pendulum movement between fierce damage and great melodramatic displays of repentance and affection. A very common movement among narcissists and all kinds of manipulators with psychological conditions tending to domination.
This creates a perverse dynamic in which punishment can be unconsciously accepted by the addictive expectation of subsequent, hopelessly romantic, reconciliation. In these scenarios of abusive domination, things take on a much more complex aspect than that of simple fear.
More tips on how to help a battered woman
Entering even slightly into this dynamic to convince the woman subjected to awakening about her situation can be very delicate. Our friend, sister, daughter or acquaintance could reject the approach by closing in even more with their undeclared enemy, living the fantasy of being alone against a hostile world. Or the abuse could get worse, with the victim being blamed for betraying by initiating contact Not authorized.
Our strategy can be as well-intentioned as we want and still backfire on their cause. Since it is impossible to predict the particularities of each case to speak of precise tactics, we can summarize some general mechanisms that should be applied in general when we find ourselves in contexts of chronic violence against women.
create a space
A simple and powerful mechanism is to open personal spaces where women can express themselves freely. Briefly tell you that any inconvenience you may have can be listened to by us, to find a solution.
And outline channels that we know are safe for this possible communication, either through a secure messaging application or by visiting a common space, place of hobby or exercise, which the abuser could not suspect.
It is important in these first communications that the woman feels truly accompanied and supported. Even if it is not yet her time to take action on her, it is sure that she will remember who she can lean on once she feels able to face things.
Additionally, her total isolation must be avoided, through our insistence on going out and communicating with her, all this under the care of a support network made up of friends, family or neighbors. Contact must always be maintained, as experiences outside the bubble of oppression help to eventually break it, revealing reality.
Domestic abuse can be inflicted by people with deep personality disorders, such as narcissism and antisocial personality.
talk alone
The time will come when the opening of spaces will generate moments of communicative intimacy with the battered woman. This conversation must be carried out with great tact and empathy, understanding at every step the thought process and habit that led our friend to her situation, without moral judgments of any kind. It is important to validate her emotions and lend credibility to her story.
The mind of a woman abused for a long time, and who has started her way up from the pit, is usually a volcano of anguish, contradictory love, anger for fear and above all shame. Shame for still having feelings for the aggressor, for not having acted earlier, for having rejected the person she was trying to help, among many other things. All these emotions must be understood and addressed during the talk.
The uncomfortable opinions that we will be forced to express should be said with affection and softness, never as an accusation. Above all, the usual method followed by abusers for domination must be quickly exposed, to make our friend see that she is not alone in her experience, that no one is really exempt from it given certain circumstances and that there are methods to close the cycle. .
Contact with professionals
When the time comes to take definitive measures to break the harmful cycle of abuse, we must assume our limitations as inexperienced citizens in terms of security and legality. The woman seeking to get away from abuse is the one at greatest potential risk. She has literally never been in more danger in the entire abusive relationship. And the risk of femicide looms terrible over this type of case.
Therefore, the situation can quickly get out of hand. It is necessary in the deepest stage of our intervention to help the affected woman to go to organizations specialized in caring for the victim of domestic violence, such as social services and official help for gender-based violence.
Such systems will be the ones that can really provide significant support to first put together a security plan, to provide immediate help or guarantee the escape of women in extreme moments.
Likewise, these services will be able to guide effectively in a possible legal case against the abuser, to coercively block their approaches, or to end the relationship through institutional procedures, in the event of marriage.
In addition, aid agencies will be able to articulate constant psychological treatment with professionals, during and after overcoming the situation of abuse, to keep its inevitable consequences under control.
Conclusion of how to help a battered woman
Violence against women by their partner has unfortunately been a serious public health problem globally. The percentages of abuse admitted by women in surveys are as high as the number of women who do not dare to make a complaint, due to a prevailing culture of silence.
The pandemic scenario from 2020 onwards has made an already difficult situation worse, forcing long stays at home among people with anxiety and anger problems. The result is a terrible increase in domestic abuse, both of women and children. Both physical and verbal and psychological abuse, equally harmful.
Beyond the institutions that carry out investigations, articulate aid and distribute punishment among those responsible, the entire society must assume itself as a support and containment network against domestic abuse. Every neighbor, partner and friend must be attentive to the well-being of their close women, willing to give them the clarity and push they need to recognize her situation and courageously come out of it.
So far our article on how to help a battered woman. If you have been interested in this text, you will probably find it useful to read this other dedicated to examining the characteristics of a healthy couple. Only by observing a healthy order will we identify by comparison a diseased order to combat it. Follow the link!
