The situation of a divorce of long years of marriage is a feeling that gives off the soul, difficult to overcome for some for this reason it is necessary to know the different forms of how to get over a divorce after years of coexistence, follow our article.
It is necessary to take time to grieve to vent the pain
How to get over a divorce?
Divorce, in legal terms, is the dissolution of the marriage bond, by which both parties will have to negotiate the commitments that belong to them to continue with their lives independently. It copes with the wear and tear of the duties and rights between the spouses that arise at the time of joining in marriage, such as testamentary rights, bonus pensions, duty to help and loyalty, among others.
That affective bond that two people profess to carry interests, talk and manage towards a future with respect, sincerity, trust in the other, freedom, solidarity, flexibility and fun, showing love every day.
At all times of dissociation of the marriage ties, the spouses can experience different symptoms of separation, either at the extreme of melancholy, depression and insecurity or the other extreme, of wanting to do everything that has been left for marriage, that is to say clothe life in minutes.
Causes of divorce
Within the situation of the causes that originate the divorce or separation of marriage, two types of causes can be observed, internal and external.
Internal Causes
This type of cause can be caused by both women and men, they can even occur in both at the same time; Among them we have:
- Misunderstanding of the couple itself.
- Personal perspectives by one of the members, not committed.
- Stubbornness in the face of the different differences of the couple.
- Lack of maturity and responsibility.
- Apathy to make the relationship better.
- Personal dissatisfaction.
- Unjustified or imagined jealousy.
- Lack of selfesteem.
- Misconception of love.
- Lack of belief and approval of the couple's normal crises.
- At the moment you have stopped loving the couple.
- Impaired emotional engagement.
- By instruction from previous experiences, especially in the course of childhood.
External Causes
In the case of external causes, which deteriorate the relationship in marriage and can cause the separation of the couple, they are mentioned below:
- Critical or problematic scenarios of marriage and life in everything that surrounds them.
- Significant communication difficulties between the two.
- Routine and boredom trap them and there is no way to solve it.
- Domestic violence by either of the two people, towards the partner or towards the children.
- Difficult situation of alcoholism or drug addiction.
- Third parties involved in the marriage.
surpassing a divorce after years of living together
The difficulty originates when there is disappointment between the couple and they feel that they can no longer continue living together because what they expected from each other can no longer be sustained.
The entire family nucleus is affected and they feel the mourning that comes over them, from that moment a trance begins that must be learned to cope with and much more so when it is a separation from a bond of many years of coexistence, where emotions and environment around them.
It is necessary not to close in on oneself, both family and professional help must be requested to be able to direct emotions in the right direction. In order to know how to overcome a divorce after years of living together, it is recommended that:
talk about feelings
It is necessary to communicate to your family or people around you, what you are suffering and feeling, referring to what has happened so that they are aware of what is happening and suggest what is best for you, even if you are the person who makes the decision. , because from the outside things are seen differently than when you are the center of the focus.
The case must be explained if it was one of the two people who made the decision or if it was an agreement between both parties, even if there are feelings of love; if it is a couple's decision, clarify the reasons why it is the way that what you really feel comes out of you and remove the negative to see things differently.
In other words, it is possible for a couple to divorce even if they have mixed feelings, only that there are other reasons that do not allow their coexistence.
Accept how to get over a divorce
In how to overcome a divorce, for all the other people who give you help, it is that you accept your conditions, it is not negative that your feelings are contrary to your partner; but that you can feel bad to see your ex suffering.
For that moment it is advisable to perform meditation exercises with acceptance, in them you can practice admitting the situation you are experiencing without wanting to change anything.
Forgive
At the moment of realizing that the other person is having a bad time when the decision made is yours, the feeling of guilt can appear when we see that someone is having a bad time because of a decision that we have made, guilt can appear, we must be vigilant because this feeling that can drag and be confused and not let you enjoy many vicissitudes.
It is the reason that the person himself should be forgiven, because that forgiveness heals wounds and easily helps you to forgive others; all this is essential for the speedy recovery of people.
In order to counteract this feeling of guilt, it is good to write a list with everything that is afflicting you and blaming you and then expose or declare that you have forgiven yourself for everything that happened or experienced. This training will pamper you that everything you carry as a burden does not have the weight it used to have.
Another way to get rid of the feeling of guilt refers to writing a letter about that circumstance where you can explain the reason why that feeling cannot be in your life, that the decision made has been for the good of all and that it should not be in the middle of your life.
Remember
As human beings you have the right to continue or end a relationship that may have become toxic, the important thing is to remember the reasons why the relationship has come to an end. Not to have causes to mistreat or to feel guilty, for this situation there are already situations.
This strategy is recommended when there are doubts, when others think that it is not the right decision, it is simply adapting to the new situation in which you are living; remembering will make you stand firm in relation to what was agreed, so that you don't fall or grieve, soon everything will pass.
Discover and express needs
Feeling that you can't live with that person and you can't take it anymore, but in the end you miss him, until you feel apathetic about everything you have to do; They are natural emotions but you need to find a balance, since living with a person for a long time, it is natural that you feel the absence, which will be restored through your own strengths, apathy cannot take over your life.
The moment a need is fortified, the inconvenience stops having so much weight and therefore begins to stop hurting; when you show yourself the value of your needs to the rest of the environment around you, it will be the strength to continue and live. Apathy is a feeling that generates demotivation due to situations or lived experiences that can mark the person if they do not take control of their emotions.
Dear reader, we recommend the following article on the apathy where you can get more information about negative emotions.
write and say goodbye
One of the most common ways to deal with the mourning left by the divorce is by writing a letter to say goodbye, that is to say goodbye to what is left behind and all that discomfort that arose as a result of the separation. In the farewell you can narrate everything you feel, both the good and the bad from your point of view.
Where you can give thanks to that loved one, for all the beautiful things and those that were not beautiful but important to help you grow, where you can express future plans and everything you want for that person, getting forgiveness to be able to speak in a positive and entrepreneurial way.
Recommendations on an unexpected Divorce
An agreed divorce always brings a mourning that must be processed little by little, but a separation which is not expected, or because it is a decision of a single person or that there is no remedy, since the dissolution is necessary, the results tend to be more traumatic.
not feel guilty
Both marriage and divorce are of a couple, not of a person, for which the responsibility is of the two people for the dissolution of the marriage, both to love and respect each other and for the moment that there is a separation.
Calm down
Do not feel sorry because you do not want them to see you cry, it is necessary to cry because that is how the soul is cleansed; because it is a pain that will not be linear all the time, because of how difficult it can be, you can even have relapses in feelings, you must be careful because it is not easy how to overcome a divorce.
These recurrences are resistances that can occur on different important dates such as anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas, father's or mother's holidays; since they are celebrations that will generate intense memories, it must be borne in mind that they are natural episodes that happen, you have to see that they will soon pass and they will be beautiful memories.
accept the situation
It is necessary that the consequences of divorce can be accepted instead of denying them, it is the reality and even more so when between the couple one of the two no longer feels the same; reality must be accepted.
You have to let go of the moments lived that were of happiness in order to move forward, otherwise you will be in a circle of pain and bitterness. Looking ahead and moving forward is not easy, but it is not impossible either. Do not think that you are only happy because you had that person by your side, being codependent is not a healthy feeling for those divorce situations.
Dear reader, we cordially invite you to follow, enter and read the following article about how to overcome emotional dependence and you will be able to understand much more about the subject.
assimilate to learn
It is a difficult situation for the couple but it is an experience that must be assimilated in order to learn how to overcome a divorce after years of living together, be it positive or negative; since these aspects will give experiences for growth and not go back despite the fact that it was the other person who made the decision to separate.
Separate ideals from realities
Nor should the couple be idealized, because they are human beings who make mistakes and can fail, by doing so they knock down the expectations of what they had dreamed of and what may be happening.
Don't play the victim
Nor can you feel resentment or hatred for that person you loved, loved you and have spent so much time together; the reality is different, it is not blaming the other soul, that does not benefit you emotionally because you can create a film that with so much anger, you will believe it and you can get sick for not facing the realities.
Change the meaning of your life
Life goes on and you have the right to reorganize yourself and be happy, seeing things from another point of view, enjoying life and giving thanks to God for everything you have lived through and for what you have to live from now on, feeling happy and gratified for everything that comes and you have wished that you could not do.
Enjoy what makes you happy
In the case of having children within marriage, you must give thanks for them that are the fruits of that immense love and were in the dreams that they had planned, being the main engine to continue.
You should give thanks for your job, for what you do that will be another impulse to move forward since the different responsibilities and obligations will make you rest and forget about the situation you have experienced. In the same way, you should thank God for the family around you to comfort you and those friends who have never left you alone to help you get through a divorce.