Lectures by Borja Vilaseca | One of the good things that confinement brought me was free time. A golden and precious time that I now suspect with hindsight. And it's not that I don't like social life (I love it!). I am an enneatype 7, for those of you who understand the enneagram. We love the plans, the non-stop, the hustle and bustle. And what did we do during quarantine? I wonder the same thing.
My social life was reduced to Patry Jordan and other people who, at some point in their lives, had stood in front of a camera and made a video for YouTube. For this reason, I became a fan and absolute admirer (in a geeky, perhaps unhealthy way) of Borja Vilaseca's lectures that I want to talk about today in Postposmo.
What are you going to find at Borja Vilaseca's conferences?
Who is Borja Vilaseca?
If you are here it is because, surely, you already know who he is. But, just in case, a brief summary: Vilaseca is a communicator, journalist, creator of the Master in Personal Development and Leadership at the Faculty of Economics of Barcelona, and founder of several businesses related to entrepreneurship, psychology and finance. He has written several books, including: Neither happy nor forever, Delighted to meet me y The little prince puts on his tie. And, what I like and know the most, due to their accessibility, are their Youtube conferences that, if you haven't seen, I highly recommend.
What are the conferences about?
In them, you will find a very motivated young man (as he describes himself) and very motivating (as I see him), who talks about self-knowledge and personal development. He bases his knowledge of himself on the enneagram theory, which applies to various topics: finances, love, sexology, ego, work, spirituality.
To begin to understand it better, you have to watch this two-minute video:
It may sound a bit herbal to you. to guru
Give him an oportunity. Just for the mere fact of asking yourself certain questions, it's worth it.
3 Conferences on love by Borja Vilaseca
① Keys to cultivating conscious sexuality with your partner
It breaks some of the taboos that fly around sexuality. It throws us questions: Where have we learned what we know about sex? What factors come into play at the time of intercourse?
We must look for the keys to connect with the other. Let go of the guilt, the shame, and the beliefs that haunt us to this day and that make us imitate what we think sex is.
Biology, religion and porn are with us and in bed with us. That pressure that we have all felt at some point and that does not allow us to have a full and conscious sexual life.
② Keys to co-create a conscious couple
"My partner makes me happy" and society perpetuates this message. That way of living relationships only creates frustrations and emotional beggars. In this talk she talks about love and how this term has been prostituted. It is not possible to find a deep love without having made a journey of introspection, a deep look within. It is not possible to speak of love if we conceive of the other as private property.
We don't know who we are either, we don't love each other and we want, we yearn, we almost force the other to love us. and in the most Jungian, the journalist asks us, how are you going to attract someone who loves you, if you don't love yourself. Basic, but true. All these reflections are treated with great humor. Almost like a monologue. Another point in his favor.
And, as a summary of this talk, I leave you the decalogue of the conscious couple by Borja Vilaseca:
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- I am responsible for my happiness, not yours.
- I am responsible for my suffering, not yours.
- I consciously choose you and you consciously choose me.
- I know myself through you and you know yourself through me.
- I learn from you and you learn from me.
- You do not complete me, but you complete me.
- I accept you as you are and you accept me as I am.
- I respect your freedom and you respect my freedom.
- I communicate with you and you communicate with me.
- I put my freedom at the service of the relationship and you put yours.
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③ How to create a conscious couple agreement
The third and last of Borja Vilaseca's conferences that I want to talk about is How to create a conscious partner agreement.
Borjita dressed as Dr. Loff. What can go wrong? If you have already seen the previous ones and liked them, this is the next one on the list.
Eternal infatuation, does it exist? No. Vilaseca is resounding. Chemical, biological, chemical infatuation disappears. And, after that obsession that lasts for a certain time, what is left? When the fades love spell and the idealized image of the other disappears, how can we maintain the relationship in a healthy way?
The communicator proposes the creation of a partner agreement and as a couple, which must be renewed from time to time, and which can be changed according to the needs of each one, which also change over the years. What works for us today may not work for us tomorrow. In this way, he questions the traditional couple mold, monogamy, living as a couple.
Each one has a different and unique way of being in a relationship, and if we don't even know what it is, it is impossible for us to honor our wishes. All of this should start with The Conversation, which should take place at various points in the relationship and should address issues such as sexual orientation and agreement, coexistence, level of commitment, family, vacations, leisure, economic agreement and, above all, separation. When talking about all this, a kind of Couple Constitution will be created (which can be written or spoken) and it will be checked if you agree or not with each point. Which can be quite useful to determine if you can or want to continue with that person.
So far my three favorite Borja Vilaseca conferences, because I am a hopeless romantic and I love love. But healthy love, conscious and thought love. The love that flows but also works day by day.
[To get to know you a little better, and understand what model of relationship you are looking for, remember our interviews with two psychologists about relational anarchy and alternatives to monogamy]